The Love Doctor 8: Love is not Proud

Brothers and Sisters, our society is so unGodly.  As I begin this weeks post, and I consider the content, I cannot help but think about how 'puffed up' our society is.  We almost always refer to pride as a positive thing.  Well, the bible calls it sin.  And according to our text, Love and Pride cannot coexist. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

Paul talks about love as a verb all through these verses.  The Greek terms for his words all communicate doing something.  But Paul says that love is not proud.  When we love something we must humble ourselves completely.  I believe the reason so many marriages fail is because we get married because we like the way the other person make us feel.  When that 'feeling' is gone, then we say we are not in love anymore.  The truth is that it was never love to begin with.  It was lust, it was infatuation, it was money, it was disillusionment, whatever it was it was not love.  If it is love, agape love, then it is NEVER ABOUT YOU!!!!!  That is something I am still having to learn, and continuously pray about.

Pride, as I have mentioned in a previous post, is a very wide doorway that leads to a multitude of other sins.  It is a 'gateway sin.'  Pride is the sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven.  When we deal in pride we elevate ourselves to a status that only God should possess.  In essence, the prideful man, or woman, is an idol worshipper, and that idol is themselves. 

From a human, physical standpoint, love and pride are almost polar opposites.  Conventional wisdom would put love opposite hate.  However, consider the actions of love and the actions of pride for a moment and dwell on the next few sentences.  When we act out of love, agape love, we are acting in a purely selfless manner.  Our sole motivation is the other or others who benefit from our love.  We submit our own will to that of our loved ones---whomever they may be.  Contrary, and I say again, opposite, of love, is pride.  When we act out of pride, we are acting purely out of self interest.  Prideful acts only edify, or enrich the self.  Think of poor Moses.  He was so faithful for so long, yet his pride, getting the better of him caused him to miss out on the promised land.  You see brothers and sisters, you cannot love, nor obey, God and still harbor your foolish pride.

Read Numbers 20:8-20:11 

Friends, love is selfless.  My wife takes our son out of her way every day to an off site school so he can take 2 classes that he really wanted to take.  She has to wake up early every morning, drive 20 minutes out of her way, sit in traffic, and then rush off to work.  She could have just told him to find some other classes to take.  But she does it out of love for him.  She profits nothing from her labor.  She actually looses out on sleep and gas money.  However, she has never complained because she does it out of love. 

From a spiritual standpoint, pride is deadly.  Not the earthly death we think about, but spiritual death.  Consider this, the reason Jesus was able to crucify your sin on that cross was because he loved us enough to put his own human will aside and do the will of God all of the time. He knew there was no other way. 

When we dare to consider our own greatness.  When we are foolish enough to adopt an attitude that celebrates our strength, our intelligence, our beauty, our accomplishments, our worldly possessions; then we spit in the face of God who made all of those things possible.  Pride causes us to worship the created thing and elevate it above the creator.

What then shall we say about all of the 'Pride propaganda' out there.  We must say it is not of God.  The next time you are so proud of yourself, or your children, or your spouse---put that glory where it belongs---give it to God.

The Love Doctor 7: Love Does Not Boast

Get your rotten tomatoes ready, I am about to make some folks mad....again.  Before I do so, please reference our text below:

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

We have said many times that the kind of love our beloved apostle is referring to is agape love.  That is the uncodintional love God has for us.  Paul writes that love is not boastful.

When I think of boasting, I think of more than just a person having diarrehea of the mouth.  I think of a boastful attitude in general. I think of  countless Hip Hop songs where the entire content is about how great the artist is that made it.  Boasting, as I am using it here, extends beyond the occassional self serving one-liner (which is also bad) into the realm of people being constantly 'puffed up' with an inflated view of themselves.

As a parent, I look for opportunites to teach my kids not to think too much of themselves.  Why?  I want my kids to understand what Christ did for them.  Even if they do something great, I want them to know that it was God that allowed them to do it.  I am more concerned with their 'God-Esteem' than I am with their 'self-esteem.'  I detest the whole 'self-esteem' movement, where we don't tell people the truth because we don't want to damage their self image.  I am so glad Oprah is off the air with her 'self absorbed' foolishness.  Yes, I just said it. 

If we saw ourselves as God saw us, as wretched sinners, then we would not seek to elevate our self esteem.  When we think too much of ourselves we start to give ourselves credit for things that God does. 

We take ownership for talents that are given to us.  Then, we run to our computers and post up how wonderful we are on Facebook.  Brothers and sisters, trust me, there is nothing that we can do that is truly good.  That's why Jesus had to die a horrible death, because we are wretched sinners, and His death was a punishment for our sin.  To think of ourselves as anything else is an insult to the sacrifice He made for us. 

Are you mad at me yet?

Love does not boast because it is too busy focusing on the object of said love.  Love does not have time to brag because it's thoughts are not of itself.  It's thoughts are on how to serve.  For example, I love my wife dearly.  Therefore, she will always come first.  I make a conscious choice to do that.  Before I knew God's love, it was the other way around.  I had a boastful attitude which made me want to always think of myself first.  Thank God for changing my heart.

When we love others we do not boast because boasting leads to resentment, envy and jealousy.  Even good boasting can lead others to become jealous.  When we love, considering others is a way of life.  So we don't walk into a room and talk about what a wonderful marriage we have because we don't know if someone in that room is struggling to keep their marriage together.  We don't brag about how our children are doing so well because we don't know if someone in the room does not even know where their child is.  When you love you internalize the idea that your boastful comments could be a serious stumbling block to others. 

Love, the way Paul describes runs contrary to the popular culture that is so centered on 'self'.  Love, the way it is described in the bible gives no thought to self and will never seek to 'puff up' itself by boasting.  Think about your words this week and how they may affect those around you.  Love does not boast.

Love Doctor 6: Love is not Jealous

I cannot stop laughing while trying to get this post finished.  I keep thinking about the scene in the 'Five Heartbeats' when the brothers are trying to talk to a lady and they end up talking to this big guy's wife or girlfriend.  He comes up from behind and says, "I got to fight every night to prove my love!"  Then he proceeds to go after one of the brothers.

When we think of jealousy, that is the picture most of us think about.  But we have been examining love as it is so eloquently and perfectly (yes I said perfectly) described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13.  Here is the text starting with verse 4.


Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


8 Love never fails
 
Of course, in this text the word 'jealous' does not appear, but it does in several other translations.  The translators, I think, interchange the two words envy and jealousy.  In my humble opinion they are two different things, but in this instance they could be interchangeable. 
 
What Paul is saying is that love (agape love) is not jealous?  A perfect love, such as the one God has for us, is not jealous.  Brothers and sisters, this one goes deep.   This is deeper than saying a man should not question his wife's every move.  It is larger than a wife checking through her husbands cell phone for unfamiliar phone numbers.  It is much more than a fight over having friends of the opposite sex.  In this text the hearts of men are exposed and laid bare.  Love is not jealous. 

The word for jealous is the word associated with red face, meaning that one who is jealous has a face that is red with emotion.  Our modern definition says this: 
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.


2. feeling resentment because of the success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.


I think the way it is meant in the text is more closely aligned with definitions 3 and 4.  The definition for number 5 can be more closely attributed to God's own jealousy for his people.  Some may say God cannot love us if he is jealous.  However, the truth is that He can.  The term for jealous is applied differently when the Bible says God is a jealous God. 

Another descriptor of jealousy as it is used in this scripture is that it is a strong emotion attached to one who fervently wants things to transpire as one desires.  It is to this definition that I believe Paul is referring.

If love is both patient and kind, then love cannot attempt to force its will upon the object of said love.  Jealously, as an emotion, will cause us to attempt to control the actions of others so that things will transpire in such a way that is in accordance with our own flawed desires.  When we act jealously, we try to control the object that we say we love. 

This does not work in any form of love, be it agagpe, philos, or eros.  The attempt to control free will is not a manifestation of love.  It is simply a manifestation of sinful jealousy.  That is a hard lesson that I have had to learn.  I beseech all my brothers and sisters to take my word for it before you go down that dark street.  It is most certainly a dead end.  One that I cannot honestly say we can return from without God's intervention in the hearts of those we love.  Did I mention that this is deep.

Love is not jealous.  Therefore, a loving father, like God, will never seek to control His children.  He will teach, and admonish.  He will discipline after a wrong has been committed because he is just.  But, He will not intervene and control their choices, or their actions.  God's love is not jealous in that way, thus, he allows us to exercise what most call, 'free will.'

I hate to use this cliche, but if you love someone you must allow them to be free.  Even if you have every intention of treating them well, and taking care of them; you cannot be jealous and force them to conform to your own ideas.   Even if your ideas are totally aligned with the word of God.   If you really love someone, pray that they will daily die to themselves and become more like the image of Christ.  Minister to them and preach the word to them.  But let them work out their salvation for themselves.  You cannot force them down this path.  They have to walk it themselves.  Pray, pray, and then pray some more that they will make Godly decisions in their lives and allow the Holy Spirit to convict them and direct their paths.  Love is not jealous.

The Love Doctor 5: Love does not envy

It's taken a long time to gather my thoughts for this one.  It didn't appear to be enough to write about.  After Paul writes about the essence of agape love, he just seems to make a list of what agape love is not.  The first of those is this: Love does not envy. 

This seems to leave more questions than it answers.  Love does not envy.  Love does not envy. Hmmm. 
Remember, agape love is a model of God's perfect, unconditional love for us.  It is not romantic, nor is it contingent on how God feels that day (Amen).  It is love without boundaries or requisites.  Thus, when we compare envy with agape love, it is easy to see how one cannot exist within the other.  Just as a Holy God cannot tolerate sin; agape love cannot tolerate envy.  It is not in its nature.

Envy, brothers and sisters is a terrible thing.  In this society we are all covetous, envious wretches and we must repent of our sinfulness daily.  The consumer culture in the United States has turned even the most loving Christians into envious beasts.  Or maybe, I'm just talking about myself.  How many times a day do we think to ourselves:  I wish I had his/her (fill in the blank).  Or, we could think, If I just had a (fill in the blank) like (fill in the blank) I would be so much better off. 

That, brothers and sisters is the essence of envy.  It begins by perceiving something that someone else has as good and attempting to apply the idea of that good thing to our lives.  It begins as a simple thought.  We can be envious about anything.  We can envy someones money, talent, material goods, good looks, body shape, etc.  But it goes deeper.  We can envy someones husband, wife, or children (c'mon parents, you know you've seen other kids and wished yours would behave that way).  You can even envy someones relationship with their husband, wife, or children.  I've even heard people envious of someones positive attitude. 

Envy leads to many dangerous things.  An extra-marital affair begins because we envy someones relationship.  A scam to steal from work to supplement your income begins because we envy our neighbors new car.  A chasm develops between a parent and a child because the parent has said one too many times--why can't you be like your friend so and so.  And those things are just the tip of envy's iceberg.

What is the biggest, ugliest, meanest, thing about envy?  Brothers and sisters, when we envy, we tell God that He has not done enough for us.  We say to God that He has not blessed us enough and we want more.  We tell an all-powerful God who has a perfect plan for our lives that He has not given us what we deserve!  Brothers and sisters, the wages of sin are death---we really don't want what we deserve.

Envy does not allow us to participate fully in loving our brothers and sisters.  Because we are fallen, we cannot love each other unless we have the love of God in us.  That love cannot flow freely if we are full of sinful envy.  What envy translates to is ungratefulness.  When we envy we tell God that we are not happy with what he has done.

Brothers and sisters the next time you are getting into your beat up car, and you see that heathen getting into a sleek, pretty, 2018 Watchamacallit, praise God.  Praise God that you have all you need in the blood of the lamb.  Remember, this world is passing away and all that is in it.  Why put value on anything that is in this world?  Our real treasure is incorruptible and eternal! 

Next time: Love is not jealous.