Love Doctor: Love always hopes

Whew!  I made it back to my task.  Satan is busy; and his business has been keeping me busy.  But, glory be to the most high God that I finally can take a breath and turn my mind once again toward Paul's discourse on love found in 1 Corinthians.

 Here is the text from 1 Corinthians 13.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails.
In the last entry we looked at love and trust.  Basically we said that love, agape love, gives people the benefit of the doubt.  Paul follows his statement about trust by saying that love always hopes, or love Hope all things.

Of all the posts on this topic of love; I believe this is the strongest aspect of agape love as we can apply it to our lives.  Love always hopes!  We know that agape is a type of love that is selfless and giving.  It is a mirror of the way God loves us.  We cannot ever repay God for his love, yet he gives it freely and abundantly to all of us. 

What about hope?  Hope means to expect with confidence.  As Christians we know we serve a God that is immutable and omnipotent.  He does not change and he has the ability to do all he says he will do.  Those two attributes, when joined together give us hope that every one of over 3,000 promises made in the Bible will be fulfilled concerning those that have repented and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ.  It is from this place that we can begin to draw upon the hope that we have in Christ; the hope of glory!

So, our agape love must manifest itself in both an inward expectation with confidence, and an outward display of hope.  This is not hope in ourselves, but hope that God will do what he said he will do.   

One author wrote this about hope:

* "When we are trapped in a tunnel of misery, hope points to the light at the end.
* When we are overworked and exhausted, hope gives us fresh energy.
* When we are discouraged, hope lifts our spirits.
* When we are tempted to quit, hope keeps us going.
* When we lose our way and confusion blurs our destination, hope dulls the edge of panic.
* When we struggle with a crippling disease or a lingering illness, hope helps us persevere beyond the pain.
* When we fear the worst, hope brings reminders that God is still in control.
* When we must endure the consequences of bad decisions, hope fuels our recovery.
* When we find ourselves in financial difficulty, hope tells us that we still have a future.
* When we are forced to sit back and wait, hope gives us the patience to trust.
* When we feel rejected and abandoned, hope reminds us we're not alone...we'll make it.
* When we say our final farewell to someone we love, hope in the life beyond gets us through our grief."

(Charles R. Swindoll, Hope Again: When Life Hurts and Dreams Fade, pp.xi,xii)

Brothers and sisters Satan will try his level best (remember he has been practicing his craft since the beginning) to discourage us.  When we are doing well in one area, Satan will attack us somewhere us.  When we are praying without ceasing, Satan will cause us to be too busy to pray for a season.  When we get a promotion at work, Satan will attack a spouse or a parent, or a child.

At a relationship level, Satan will bring confusion and chaos into our relationships with our loved ones in our home and in our church.  He will attempt to bring division through his lies and deceit.  He will bring devastation through addiction to drugs, alcohol, or pornography.  It is during these times that Paul says we must have hope that God has a plan and that plan will come to pass.

 Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 

Hope allows us to persevere.  It causes us to be able to praise God when things are hard.  It allows us to wait on the Lord and pray through every unfavorable circumstance with confident expectation.

The Love Doctor 14: Love rejoices in truth

For many, many years I was lost.  I was headed to hell in gasoline soaked underwear.  But the worst thing about my pitiful condition was that the Christians in my life knew it; and no one said anything at all. 

Friends, I can thank a merciful God for reaching in and pulling me out of the murky waters of unrepentant sin.  God allowed me to dig a hole so deep that I had no other choice but to turn to Him.  And when I learned the truth, I did rejoice.  When I learned how wicked my own heart was, I praised God for that knowledge.  Read Jeremiah 17:9

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

What the weeping prophet is telling us here is that our desires speak lies to us above all things.  The things we gravitate toward are wicked hateful things.  Brothers and Sisters, that verse set me free.  That verse spoke to me like John 3:16 speaks to many other believers.  That verse told me to take whatever I wanted and hold up against the truth, which is the word of God, and see if they match.  When I understood that, it was like seeing for the first time.  I was able to truly rejoice in the truth. 

You see before I understood that verse I was like that boat lost at sea, being tossed about according to the weather.  I said and did whatever I felt like doing.  I believed that horrible lie the culture tells us.  Our flawed system tells us to do what feels right.  The culture told me that God put the desires I had in my heart so they couldn't be wrong.  When the spirit revealed to me the truth in that verse, I became stable.  My walk began to straighten out.  My thoughts became crystal clear, because I understood that I could not trust what was in my heart, and I must depend on the word of God to guide me. 

Friends, I said all that to get to my real point.  You cannot love fully until you love in the truth.  You cannot love in truth until you know the truth.  Let's look at our text:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.



When we love with an agape love, we find joy when others experience the truth.  We rejoice when the Holy Spirit reveals the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ to a lost soul and that new name is entered into the book of life.  We almost hear the angels sing when that brave soul takes the long walk down the aisle at church to begin the process of salvation. 

Brothers and sisters when we really rejoice in truth we do not remain silent when others around us do not know the truth.  You cannot really know the gospel and not want to share it.  How much do you have to hate someone to not share the gospel (some of you will get that later).  C.S. Lewis wrote (and I'm paraphrasing here) that there is a kind of joy that produces a seriousness or sense of purpose.  That joy wants us all to be saved, so we can all rejoice in the truth.

Love rejoices in the truth! 

The Love Doctor 13: Love does not delight in evil

My youngest son is 6.  He is, like my oldest, a delightful young man.  The little one is a bit more bouncy and  much more talkative than the big one.  He tends also to have a very tender heart, and an inflated sense of himself which makes for a very interesting combination. 

One day, while playing T-ball he was going to try to catch the ball, and he fell down in the process, missing the ball altogether.  The manner in which he did it, his body position, facial expression, and woeful misjudgement of where the ball would be was comical---as younger children playing anything can sometimes be.  Well, Elijah happened to look in the stands and saw me laughing at his error.  He didn't like that one bit and he let me know.  Elijah does not like to be laughed at unless he is trying to be funny.  Lesson learned, I have tried to not laugh at him when he is serious about something; and his mannerism makes that very hard to do.  I fail from time to time and for a 6 year old, he can give some pretty dirty looks.  Anyway, the topic today is again from Paul's epistle to the Corinthians:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I should not have laughed at my son.  It is clear here that Paul wants us to be on our guard against taking pleasure in other people's misfortune, sin, or the consequences thereof.  That is a rather Innocent example, but look at how that same thing plays itself out in other ways.   Do you enjoy it when that unfaithful spouse is finally caught, and the other spouse is granted a divorce?  When the IRS audits that neighbor who has been claiming his cat and dog on his taxes as dependents, do you breath a sigh of relief?  What about that busybody at the office?  Does your face assume a satisfied look when the boss finally sees all of the trouble that person is causing?  When that fast talking, prosperity preaching television evangelist gets caught up in a scandal, do you post it up on facebook and say I told you so?  Are you happy when someone knocks the stuffing out of that bully at school?  What about that braggart who has been telling everyone about their new car.  When they total loss that car, do you secretly rejoice?  What about when that family member's big 6 room mansion burns to the ground.  Do you celebrate in your inner self as long as everyone gets out safely?

The other day, I was talking to a lady, who has not spoken to her sister in over 5 years because of something her sister did concerning their mother's estate.  In the conversation this little old Christian lady stated over and over again that her sister would get her just reward in this life or the next.  This little old lady who makes snacks and cakes and coffee for the whole building spoke nothing but evil into her sisters life.  But are we not all guilty of delighting in evil? 

Recently I saw a television show of a popular boxer almost coming to blows with his father.  What was worse was what that same man said about his father to his face.  He was so very disrespectful to his father, and the Bible is clear that we are to honor our mother and father.  I did not like the man after I saw that.  Recently, that man got sentenced to jail and I did rejoice.  Why?  Because I was not in the spirit, but in the flesh.  If I had been operating in the spirit, and allowing the fruit of agape love to flow through me, I would have prayed for that young man.  Instead I said to myself---that dude got exactly what he deserved.  I was delighting in evil, and it is right for me to repent of that sin.

Brothers and Sisters, do not rejoice when others fall upon hard times for whatever reason.  Trust me, I know that is easier said than done.  However, you can be more mindful of your heart in this matter now.  Don't you want people to show you compassion when you have evil befall you.  I know I do.  Suffering is real whether it be self-inflicted or otherwise.  The bigger picture is the condition of that persons soul when they die, not necessarily how they live.  Showing compassion to people when they are at their lowest point is a very Christ-like thing to do.  When the world scorns them, Christians should embrace them, pray for them and love them anyway!  Do not delight in evil.

The Love Doctor 11: Love is not easily angered

If you are like me, you don't want to miss the Christmas tradition of watching "A Christmas Story" on TBS or TNT or whatever channel when they show it on Christmas Day.  It is a very funny movie.  When I think of anger, my thoughts always drift to the father in the movie.  Watch this clip before you continue reading. In it the son, Ralphie has just dropped the f bomb in front of his father and his mother is engaging in torture tactics to get him to reveal who taught him such language.




I love it when Ralphie says his dad works in profanity like an artist works in clay (or whatever medium he said). It is there that I find my old man (that old man is me before I got saved, not my father). Folks, I was an angry son of a gun before I knew Christ. I would, like Ralphie's dad, use foul language, raise my voice, slam things around, throw things, and feel justified in doing so all at once. I am so glad that the blood of Jesus atones for all sins.

Our text comes from 1 Corinthians 13,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - NIV)

Before I knew Christ, I did not know love. I knew emotion, feeling, raw and unchecked. What I knew is how I felt at the time in my heart. But read this:

"The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? Jeremiah 17:9.

By following my heart and believing that this was the correct thing to do, I was consistently harming myself, and those around me. I was quick to anger, and those closest to me saw it and heard it most often. And I was following my heart. I was doing what my heart told me. You see, brothers and sisters, if you follow your heart you are following after wickedness, because your heart is wicked.

Being angry is natural for me. It is natural for me to get irritated with the girl at the Food Lion who cannot seem to keep up with the volume of customers in her line. It is natural for me to fly off the handle when someone keeps me waiting. How dare they! Thank God for His grace and wisdom that has taught me to die to myself. Thank God for his mercy that has forgiven me of my anger, and delivered me from the same.

What my anger told the ones I professed to love was that I love you when you please me, otherwise, I want to kill you! You may say, wait a second, slow down. Anger doesn't mean you want to murder. Read this:

"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: Matthew 5:21-24.

Jesus has likened anger to murder. Who are you to say differently? When Paul writes that love is not easily angered, he is saying that we must not be so selfish as to put our needs above others. One may ask the question, what does anger have to do with selfishness? My answer to that is everything. We become angry when others cause circumstances in our lives to be contrary to what we desire. Anger is the self following after what it wants. It contradicts agape love, which demands the displacement of the self in favor of others.

Brothers and sisters, I believe that the world has become an angry place because it has become a selfish place. We have every inclination catered to all day every day. We want what we want when we want it, and when we don't get it we become irate children throwing temper tantrums.

The remedy for such detestable behavior is the remembrance of the love of God. While God has every reason to be angry with us (I've given him several reasons already today), he allows his grace and mercy to abound more than his anger. He loves us so much that he does not give us what we deserve. Instead of death, he has given us life through His son Jesus Christ. Therefore brothers and sisters, instead of being angry, let us all be gracious toward our fellow man as our lord God has been with us.

The Love Doctor 10: Love is not Selfish

Sometimes, in my attempts to get the words on the screen, I am hasty, and I fail to reference the appropriate scripture.  Before I begin, lets look at our base scripture from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

We have examined several of Paul's statements in previous posts.  Today we have come to, love is not self-seeking.  To avoid confusion I will replace the term self-seeking with the term selfish.  Love is not selfish.  Remember brothers and sisters, love is defined here as agape, or unconditional love.  It is epitomized by the type and form of love that God has for us.  It is not 'Disney' love that depends on how a person performs, or makes us feel.  It is a love that transcends our human failures and performs lovingly despite the same. 

So, saying that love is not selfish may require that we examine the ultimate act of selflessness as a comparison to selfishness.  Imagine a father who had 10 children.  9 of them were disobedient little brats that could not manage to follow the father's rules for even 1 day.  So the father, who is a just man, and must punish his children who break the rules, decides that he will set aside the 10th child as a sacrifice (whipping boy) for the other 9.  Now this 10th child never broke 1 rule.  Yet when the time came, the father punishes the 10th child for every single disobedient act of the other 9.  Not only that, but the father punishes the 10th child for every disobedient act of the 9's children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grand children and so on.  The punishment is physical and severe, and the 10th child does it willingly out of love for his brothers and sisters.  Because he knows that the punishment he endures will put his brothers and sisters in a right relationship with the father.  That, my friends, is a picture of what Jesus did for us.  Now of course it is an illustration and it leaves out a lot, but you may get a picture of what unselfish love is. 


Love, without regard for self---what does it look like?  It looks like a mother eating bread and cheese so her babies can eat meat.  It looks like that same mother eating nothing so her children can have bread and cheese.  It is the person who donates a kidney to someone they don't know.  It is loving people without the expectation of any return.  It is an act for which there can truly be no recompense. 

In a marriage unselfish love is putting your spouses needs or wants ahead of yours.  It is driving the lemon, while your spouse gets the good car.  It is sacrificing that warm bed and getting up to make breakfast.  It is a giving a massage when all you want to do is receive one.  Unselfish love is not withholding kinds words, affections, acts, money, or anything you know will bless your spouse.  Trust me folks, it is cold enough in the world.  Your spouse does not need to come home to a frigid house.  Jesus gave everything to us.  Would it kill us to be kind and loving to our mates. 

Now, I cannot let you leave without making you angry with me, or maybe I just did. Christians, we have to love others so much that we are willing to jeopardize our relationship with them to tell them the truth about salvation.  If you are reading this, and you are Christian, you know someone who is going to hell.  Don't rationalize this and say--they can accept Christ on their deathbed.  You don't know how or when that person will die.  You love them, but you don't love them enough to tell them the truth.  That friend who is an atheist.  That cousin who smokes marijuana.  That niece with the questionable facebook pictures on her page.  The married friend who flirts too much.  That person living a gay lifestyle.  We know that these behaviors can be forgiven, but do we tell the person they need to seek His forgiveness?  Do we tell them the truth in love at the right time?  Or do we uphold them in the wrongdoing because we don't love them enough to want to see them in eternity?  Do we rationalize their behavior so we don't have to address it?  Our selfishness will cause us to not engage in conversations because they are uncomfortable.  Love will make us strong enough to endure being uncomfortable for a time to see that the gospel is made clear in the lives of those we love.   Look into the eyes of the one you love, and say to them, "I love you.  You are very important to me.  I want to spend eternity knowing you and I'm afraid for your soul.  This is why."  Then, my friend, tell them what you have witnessed in their lives; and tell them that Jesus will forgive it all, if they repent and believe in Him.  Let unselfish love carry your words, and let God give the increase.

The Love Doctor 8: Love is not Proud

Brothers and Sisters, our society is so unGodly.  As I begin this weeks post, and I consider the content, I cannot help but think about how 'puffed up' our society is.  We almost always refer to pride as a positive thing.  Well, the bible calls it sin.  And according to our text, Love and Pride cannot coexist. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

Paul talks about love as a verb all through these verses.  The Greek terms for his words all communicate doing something.  But Paul says that love is not proud.  When we love something we must humble ourselves completely.  I believe the reason so many marriages fail is because we get married because we like the way the other person make us feel.  When that 'feeling' is gone, then we say we are not in love anymore.  The truth is that it was never love to begin with.  It was lust, it was infatuation, it was money, it was disillusionment, whatever it was it was not love.  If it is love, agape love, then it is NEVER ABOUT YOU!!!!!  That is something I am still having to learn, and continuously pray about.

Pride, as I have mentioned in a previous post, is a very wide doorway that leads to a multitude of other sins.  It is a 'gateway sin.'  Pride is the sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven.  When we deal in pride we elevate ourselves to a status that only God should possess.  In essence, the prideful man, or woman, is an idol worshipper, and that idol is themselves. 

From a human, physical standpoint, love and pride are almost polar opposites.  Conventional wisdom would put love opposite hate.  However, consider the actions of love and the actions of pride for a moment and dwell on the next few sentences.  When we act out of love, agape love, we are acting in a purely selfless manner.  Our sole motivation is the other or others who benefit from our love.  We submit our own will to that of our loved ones---whomever they may be.  Contrary, and I say again, opposite, of love, is pride.  When we act out of pride, we are acting purely out of self interest.  Prideful acts only edify, or enrich the self.  Think of poor Moses.  He was so faithful for so long, yet his pride, getting the better of him caused him to miss out on the promised land.  You see brothers and sisters, you cannot love, nor obey, God and still harbor your foolish pride.

Read Numbers 20:8-20:11 

Friends, love is selfless.  My wife takes our son out of her way every day to an off site school so he can take 2 classes that he really wanted to take.  She has to wake up early every morning, drive 20 minutes out of her way, sit in traffic, and then rush off to work.  She could have just told him to find some other classes to take.  But she does it out of love for him.  She profits nothing from her labor.  She actually looses out on sleep and gas money.  However, she has never complained because she does it out of love. 

From a spiritual standpoint, pride is deadly.  Not the earthly death we think about, but spiritual death.  Consider this, the reason Jesus was able to crucify your sin on that cross was because he loved us enough to put his own human will aside and do the will of God all of the time. He knew there was no other way. 

When we dare to consider our own greatness.  When we are foolish enough to adopt an attitude that celebrates our strength, our intelligence, our beauty, our accomplishments, our worldly possessions; then we spit in the face of God who made all of those things possible.  Pride causes us to worship the created thing and elevate it above the creator.

What then shall we say about all of the 'Pride propaganda' out there.  We must say it is not of God.  The next time you are so proud of yourself, or your children, or your spouse---put that glory where it belongs---give it to God.

The Love Doctor 7: Love Does Not Boast

Get your rotten tomatoes ready, I am about to make some folks mad....again.  Before I do so, please reference our text below:

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

We have said many times that the kind of love our beloved apostle is referring to is agape love.  That is the uncodintional love God has for us.  Paul writes that love is not boastful.

When I think of boasting, I think of more than just a person having diarrehea of the mouth.  I think of a boastful attitude in general. I think of  countless Hip Hop songs where the entire content is about how great the artist is that made it.  Boasting, as I am using it here, extends beyond the occassional self serving one-liner (which is also bad) into the realm of people being constantly 'puffed up' with an inflated view of themselves.

As a parent, I look for opportunites to teach my kids not to think too much of themselves.  Why?  I want my kids to understand what Christ did for them.  Even if they do something great, I want them to know that it was God that allowed them to do it.  I am more concerned with their 'God-Esteem' than I am with their 'self-esteem.'  I detest the whole 'self-esteem' movement, where we don't tell people the truth because we don't want to damage their self image.  I am so glad Oprah is off the air with her 'self absorbed' foolishness.  Yes, I just said it. 

If we saw ourselves as God saw us, as wretched sinners, then we would not seek to elevate our self esteem.  When we think too much of ourselves we start to give ourselves credit for things that God does. 

We take ownership for talents that are given to us.  Then, we run to our computers and post up how wonderful we are on Facebook.  Brothers and sisters, trust me, there is nothing that we can do that is truly good.  That's why Jesus had to die a horrible death, because we are wretched sinners, and His death was a punishment for our sin.  To think of ourselves as anything else is an insult to the sacrifice He made for us. 

Are you mad at me yet?

Love does not boast because it is too busy focusing on the object of said love.  Love does not have time to brag because it's thoughts are not of itself.  It's thoughts are on how to serve.  For example, I love my wife dearly.  Therefore, she will always come first.  I make a conscious choice to do that.  Before I knew God's love, it was the other way around.  I had a boastful attitude which made me want to always think of myself first.  Thank God for changing my heart.

When we love others we do not boast because boasting leads to resentment, envy and jealousy.  Even good boasting can lead others to become jealous.  When we love, considering others is a way of life.  So we don't walk into a room and talk about what a wonderful marriage we have because we don't know if someone in that room is struggling to keep their marriage together.  We don't brag about how our children are doing so well because we don't know if someone in the room does not even know where their child is.  When you love you internalize the idea that your boastful comments could be a serious stumbling block to others. 

Love, the way Paul describes runs contrary to the popular culture that is so centered on 'self'.  Love, the way it is described in the bible gives no thought to self and will never seek to 'puff up' itself by boasting.  Think about your words this week and how they may affect those around you.  Love does not boast.

Love Doctor 6: Love is not Jealous

I cannot stop laughing while trying to get this post finished.  I keep thinking about the scene in the 'Five Heartbeats' when the brothers are trying to talk to a lady and they end up talking to this big guy's wife or girlfriend.  He comes up from behind and says, "I got to fight every night to prove my love!"  Then he proceeds to go after one of the brothers.

When we think of jealousy, that is the picture most of us think about.  But we have been examining love as it is so eloquently and perfectly (yes I said perfectly) described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13.  Here is the text starting with verse 4.


Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


8 Love never fails
 
Of course, in this text the word 'jealous' does not appear, but it does in several other translations.  The translators, I think, interchange the two words envy and jealousy.  In my humble opinion they are two different things, but in this instance they could be interchangeable. 
 
What Paul is saying is that love (agape love) is not jealous?  A perfect love, such as the one God has for us, is not jealous.  Brothers and sisters, this one goes deep.   This is deeper than saying a man should not question his wife's every move.  It is larger than a wife checking through her husbands cell phone for unfamiliar phone numbers.  It is much more than a fight over having friends of the opposite sex.  In this text the hearts of men are exposed and laid bare.  Love is not jealous. 

The word for jealous is the word associated with red face, meaning that one who is jealous has a face that is red with emotion.  Our modern definition says this: 
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.


2. feeling resentment because of the success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.


I think the way it is meant in the text is more closely aligned with definitions 3 and 4.  The definition for number 5 can be more closely attributed to God's own jealousy for his people.  Some may say God cannot love us if he is jealous.  However, the truth is that He can.  The term for jealous is applied differently when the Bible says God is a jealous God. 

Another descriptor of jealousy as it is used in this scripture is that it is a strong emotion attached to one who fervently wants things to transpire as one desires.  It is to this definition that I believe Paul is referring.

If love is both patient and kind, then love cannot attempt to force its will upon the object of said love.  Jealously, as an emotion, will cause us to attempt to control the actions of others so that things will transpire in such a way that is in accordance with our own flawed desires.  When we act jealously, we try to control the object that we say we love. 

This does not work in any form of love, be it agagpe, philos, or eros.  The attempt to control free will is not a manifestation of love.  It is simply a manifestation of sinful jealousy.  That is a hard lesson that I have had to learn.  I beseech all my brothers and sisters to take my word for it before you go down that dark street.  It is most certainly a dead end.  One that I cannot honestly say we can return from without God's intervention in the hearts of those we love.  Did I mention that this is deep.

Love is not jealous.  Therefore, a loving father, like God, will never seek to control His children.  He will teach, and admonish.  He will discipline after a wrong has been committed because he is just.  But, He will not intervene and control their choices, or their actions.  God's love is not jealous in that way, thus, he allows us to exercise what most call, 'free will.'

I hate to use this cliche, but if you love someone you must allow them to be free.  Even if you have every intention of treating them well, and taking care of them; you cannot be jealous and force them to conform to your own ideas.   Even if your ideas are totally aligned with the word of God.   If you really love someone, pray that they will daily die to themselves and become more like the image of Christ.  Minister to them and preach the word to them.  But let them work out their salvation for themselves.  You cannot force them down this path.  They have to walk it themselves.  Pray, pray, and then pray some more that they will make Godly decisions in their lives and allow the Holy Spirit to convict them and direct their paths.  Love is not jealous.

The Love Doctor Part 4: Kindness is not Weakness!



My inner nerd will be revealed in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!  Let's talk about one of my favorite hero tales--- Star Wars.  My 5 year old son would agree with me that it is an outstanding saga.  It is amazing to me how pervasive God's truth is, that we can even see it in such a grandly fictitious work as Star Wars.  What truth is that?  I'm glad you asked.



In Star Wars, Yoda, the wise elderly Jedi, denied training young Anakin Skywalker because he said the young man harbored too much fear.  Of course, he was trained anyway and became the evil Darth Vader.  What Yoda understood is that fear is the path to anger.  Anger is the path to the dark side. 

I know your thinking, what is this fool talking about.  Continue reading.  In our series on agape love, you will remember that we are discussing the idea that 'love is kind'.   I would suggest to the reader that kindness, contrary to popular belief, is not weakness.  If fear leads to anger--- and from my experience it does; then kindness, as it is manifested in agape love, cannot have fear as its root.  True kindness and anger are on opposite ends of the spectrum.  If fear is the root, then kindness cannot be the fruit.  Jesus said we will know a tree by its fruit.  A bad tree cannot produce good fruit.  Fear and anger cannot produce kindness.

What then can we say is the root of kindness, if not weakness, or fear.  Agape love is the root of true kindness.  Love allows us to be kind to those that hate us.  It allows us to be salt and light to those who spit in our faces.  When we have experienced God's unconditional love, and we really understand Jesus' sacrifice; then that love gives us the strength to be kind in the face of every circumstance.  Not from a place of weakness, or timidity, but out of a strong love built upon an immovable fortress that is God.  If you are still having trouble understanding the strength it takes to be kind, then look at this last illustration.

One day I went to work and I walked around all day with noticeable breakfast residue on my face.  I didn't realize it till I got home and really looked in the mirror.  In the course of a day I come in contact with literally hundreds of people who know my name.  No one told me.  What people did was allow me to walk around looking foolish so that they would not have to be uncomfortable when they told me I had egg on my face.  For some horrible reason we have come to believe that being kind means we don't tell people when something is askew, or amiss.

My question is this---what if my fly was open, or my shoe was untied?  What if I was about to step on a slick spot on a hard floor?  What if I was engaging in some sort of destructive behavior that was legal, but immoral?  Would anyone counsel me then?!  If we were kind to each other and not cowards then we would tell each other the truth in love.  Kindness requires a fortitude that we don't have naturally.  True kindness that comes from agape love is strong and unyielding.  It says and does kind things even if the recipient of the kindness does not receive it well.  Is it unkind to tell your brother or sister when they are doing something that will lead to their eternal damnation?  Is it kinder to allow them to proceed down a path to destruction, while you remain silent?!!!!  Kindness is not weak. 

When that coworker is wearing that dress that is too revealing--- do you tell her ladies? 
When that buddy's drinking is getting out of control---do you let him know gentlemen?
When that child is spending way too much time playing video games do you put a stop to it parents?
When that lost soul is falling deeper into the enemies grip, do you share your faith Christian?
If you are a Christian and you know the truth, how much do you have to hate someone to not tell them about Jesus? 

The kindness that springs forth from agape love allows us to share the truth of the gospel with the unsaved.  It provides us with the courage necessary to say what needs to be said, and do what needs to be done, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes us.