Free Will and Pain

You have heard that life is a journey.

You have heard that life is a box of chocolates.

I say to you that life is a multitude of journeys and each journey is its own separate box of chocolates.

I am nearing the end of one of my great journeys.  And as I press on over the final peak I cannot see what lies ahead because of the fog. 

I believe that I have lived with false hope for a very long time that God would not allow this particular journey to end.  I have prayed and fasted and obviously misinterpreted scripture,  believing that God would move on my behalf. 

What I just now realized is that in order for God to move on my behalf he must interfere with the free will of another. 
And while God can do that,  I realize that this is something He wont do.

I am greatful for God not affecting our free will.  You see, brothers and sisters, our free will is what makes us free.  God wants us all to be free.  So he chooses not to cause us to do anything.  But rather allows us to choose on our own. 

Free will allows us to love one another and love God.  If God put limits on us and we love Him then that is not love, but bondage.  So the act of allowing us to have free will also allows us to love unconditionally. 

So then I have been foolish.  I submit this to the reader in hopes that someone else will be helped.  I trusted God as long a I believed he would fix it.  I found every verse in the Bible about it and I read them again and again.  I knew God would move if I just stayed still.  But He did not.  Because what I asked for was His desire, but it was not the will of the other party.  And I was expecting God to give me favor with the person.  But that is an issue of free will.  And that was just recently revealed to me.  And I have been angry ever since I realized what a fool I was. 

Doors close and windows dont always open.  Things are lost and stay lost and are not replaced.  Broken hearts are not always  mended.  People leave and dont return.  Dogs die.  Things end.

But I have to remember two things.  1.  God is sovereign.  2. God is good.  So if the one in control of everything is good then there must be purpose for all of this pain I am in.  I dont see it now, but I will.  I dont understand it now but I trust God to sustain and lead me to where He wants me to go. 

Naomi lost a husband and two sons.   Her loss became a blessing for all of mankind.   Job lost everything and God gave it right back.  The Hebrews lost their freedom many times, and today they are back in the promised land. 

I dont know what God is doing.  Or why this happening to me.  I will trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding.
Paul said this and I must commit this to memory because I will need it

11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

 12  I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

 13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

 

On Love and Grief

Brothers and Sisters I have been neglecting you and I apologize for that.  But I have returned with the following thoughts about love.

I have learned that love is a gift that we give to those which we choose.  As such it is free, and should be given with no expectations of reciprocity. 

Then we must determine that there are really two kinds of love.

On the one hand there is love returned.  Love returned is beautiful.  It is the mother and child looking into each others eye's and smiling at some private thing.  It is the elderly couple holding hands after 30 years of marriage.  It is the young couple dancing as if there is no one else in the room. The beauty of this love is enough to make the toughest man misty eyed because placed deep inside all of us is the desire to experience this type of mutual love.  

The returned love allows its participants to truly be themselves and know that they are sufficient just as they are without additions or subtractions. 

This type of love is a picture of Christ and his church.  He loves them and they have acknowledged and returnedbhis love.  This is the picture of Christ as the bridegroom.   Christ's love allows us to be full of love and pour out that love on others.  Because just as Christ loves his church, so then, does He love the unbelievers.  

This then leads to the second form of love.  This type of love is unreturned love.  It is when one person loves another but that love is unreturned. 

This is the mother whose face is filled with pain as the child she loves continues to run away over and over again.  This is the wife who knows her husband is cheating and she still makes his lunch and kisses him goodbye everyday.  This is our Lord inviting the world to accept his love and sacrifice only to have people persecute Him and those that love him. 

This 2nd type of love produces a deep grief.  It is still love but it is sad and it is painful.  The object of the love is an ever present reminder that somehow the love giver is unworthy of the object's affection.  In the mind of the love giver they are less than what they should be in the eyes of the object.

Which love then is of more value?
I would say the second type of love has more value for strengthing the spirit.  It produces grief but it also works to conform us to the image of Christ. 

Christ went to the cross to die for the very same people that not only did not love Him but they also ridiculed and beat him.  Yet he loved them enough to endure the pain so that he could save them.

Knowing as much as I do concerning unreturned love I must say that it is both the most painful and wonderful thing that could happen to a person.   It actually deepens your love for that person by removing all conditions.  So you no longer care if the person mistreats you,
Or has not made you a priority, or is mean to you and nice to eveyone else.  All of that pain is transformed into to love for that person that is exceedingly great and boundless. 

This second kind of love, brothers and sisters,  will give you more understanding of the Gospel than anything else.  So if you have a relationship like this do not give up.  Just know that God is at work in your life and that you by continuing to love are storing up treasures for yourself on the other side. 

The Last Love Doctor: Love Never Fails

Brothers and Sisters, I have written this post 4 other times.  It should be the easiest post to write because it summarizes Paul's exposition on love.  Here is our text from 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails.

This should be the easiest post.  However, one must be very careful not to mislead.  If we talk about love then we must transcend this world and point toward the cross.  Paul's final statement about love is that Love never fails.  Remember, this is not Disney love.  For our purposes here we are talking about Agape- the strongest love.  Agape never fails.

Paul's last statement has been the most difficult for me to reconcile.  I have often witnessed the death of what we commonly refer to as love.  So, how then, can we reconcile what Paul says here with the horrible truth that is our reality?  The truth that we have all been eyewitnesses or participants in love that has indeed failed.

My heart cried out when I reflected on these final words in this section from Paul.  I wanted to say Paul is a filthy liar!  How is it that love never fails when I know love fails.  I have seen love die a multitude of deaths.  I have seen love die in families, in churches, in communities, in friendships, in parent/child relationships, and in marriages.  What does Paul mean love never fails?  Then why is there so much pain in the world?  Why is there so much pain in my world!?  Yes, I compared the word of God to my own life and I cried foul!

But God!
God spoke to my heart as only He can.  He said David, you are a fool.  (I knew that already).  You still think Paul wrote as a man to men.  No David, Paul was writing My words to men.  The problem is not that love fails.  The problem is you still don't understand Agape!  Agape is a picture of my relationship with Israel.  They kept turning away from me, and I kept on loving them.  Agape is a picture of Jesus' love for the world.  When the people who welcomed Jesus into the city turned on Him and yelled 'crucify him' soon after, Jesus said, 'Forgive them Father.'  That is love.  Paul never promised that relationships would never fail.  He said love never fails.

Even though some children cannot stand to be in the same room with their parents, the loving spirit of God in the parent will allow that parent to continue praying for that wayward child.  Even though that boss or coworker treats a person like dirt. My spirit in that person can allow them to love through being mistreated.  Even though that spouse has made the other feel like a leper.  My treasure in that earthen vessel will cause that spouse to stay in the marriage and continue to love the other person.  It is not the person that loves, but the spirit of God in the person that loves. 

So beloved, I will leave you with this logical proof of Paul's great final statement on love.

God is love.
Love never fails.
God never fails.

Love Doctor: Love Endureth All Things

If love, as defined by our fallen culture, has deconstructed me; then love, as defined by God, has recreated me.  Brother's and Sister's I have seen the incredible carnage a selfish love can leave in its enormous wake.  I have also experienced the all encompassing redemption of agape.

Love endureth all things is what Paul says about agape after he writes in 1 Corinthians 13 that love hopes all things.  No matter how much I mediatate on God's word, something new is always revealed to me.  There is a supernatural genius about how this passage is put together.  You see, our hope fuels our ability to endure.  Endurance enables us to continue to love through the storms that test our resolve.

Endure:

1. to remain
   1. to tarry behind
2. to remain i.e. abide, not recede or flee
   1. to preserve: under misfortunes and trials to hold fast to one's faith in Christ
   
   2. to endure, bear bravely and calmly: ill treatments 

 In this culture we have a tendancy to abandon relationships that are not currently functioning the way we would like them to.  Look at the number of abandoned children, or the 50% divorce rate in America.  Look at how often some people switch jobs or doctors.  We are a people that love to jump around and experience new things.  Or abandon ship at the first sign of trouble.  Unfortunately, the creator of the universe values endurance in relationships over the ending of relationships.  You see how we relate to each other is a picture of our relationship with our heavenly father.






Please do not believe that this only applies to marriage, but I'd like to use marriage as an illustration for this principle.  Marriage is a metaphor for God's love for his people, and Jesus' love for the church.  Thus, the husband shall love the wife as Christ loves the church.  Christ will not simply abandon his bride if she burns the bread.  He will not abandon her is she fails to come home one night.  He will not abandon her if she is known to be unfaithful to Him.   He will continue to love her, cherish her, teach her, protect her, regardless of her behavior.  Christ has chosen, or elected his church.  Husbands and wives elect one another.  Once that election occurs, it is sure.

Thus, when we encounter tests in our marriages, we must allow our hope that God's will is being done always to allow us to endure.  Satan will try to break apart everything God has put together.  He is the great divider.  He separated us from our God from the begining.  He will separate us from one another because an isolated Christian will fall faster, further, and harder than one who is loved and supported regardless of their shortcomminngs.

Enduring love, agape love is God's plan for every relationship.  It is the thing that allows us to trust each other.  Stay with me here.  We trust God because he is unchanging.  He is the same today, yesterday and forever.  The same is true of our loved ones.  I cannot put my trust in people's emotions.  Emotions are fickle.  Any trust in emotions is foolishness.  I have walked with God too long to be fooled in that way.  What I have learned (through a very painful, sobering work of the Holy Spirit) is that I can trust in those who rely on the hope of glory to strengthen them to endure through any dumb thing I can think of doing.  And I can think of some pretty dumb things to do.  I cannot trust myself not to grieve people.  The Bible says that the fact I believe in Jesus greives a bunch of people I don't even know.  So I know in this life I will offend.  Therefore, I can only trust in those that rely on God to give them grace to forgive me, and endure my human fraility, as I endure the human frailty of others.  I hope that makes sense.  Love endureth all things. 


 

Love Doctor: Love always trusts

Let's begin with our scripture (Paul really causes us to reflect deeply here)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Today I want to look a little deeper into love always trusts.  Remember that love here means agape, which is God's perfect, unconditional love.  And I want to begin in the physical and move into the spiritual.

Brothers and Sisters, I almost skipped this one.  Trust seems to be one of those things that does not come naturally for me.  Perhaps I am was born with a flawed trust gene.  I can honestly say, this has been a monster in my life.  But God, true to form, has even taught me how to trust.  Praise Him!

The King James Version does not say love always trusts.  It actually says love believes all things.  Anyone out there has ever seen the damage infidelity can do in a relationship will agree that it is a foolish thing thing to trust when someone has proven themselves untrustworthy.  God is not telling us to be fools.  What Paul is saying here is that we need give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt. 

The word of the day here is intentionality.  I am stricken with the horrid foot-in-the-mouth disease.  Things fly out of my mouth with the greatest intentions of kindness and love; however, the misinterpretation of those same things can leave others with hurt feelings.  Most of the time I think of a better way to say things 2 or 3 days after I have already manifested the symptoms of my ailment.  If people who love me did not trust that I say things with good intentions, I would be a very lonely person.   

Paul is saying to us that when there is a question of malice, or wrongdoing, that we should give the benefit of the doubt and believe that people are not out to harm us.  I think that is where trust begins to work.  Trust begins to work in that space between action and response.  If the action which can be a word or deed occurs, and that causes us some sort of offense, then our loving trust will affect our response.  When we can say to ourselves that whatever that person did that hurt us was not intended to hurt us, and quickly forgive them we are practicing this principal of believing all things.

This principal also allows us to be genuinely affectionate and loving to people.  When we do not look for the best in others we are automatically on our guard and our communication both verbal and nonverbal seems false.  It's that to wide smile or too perky hello (and people pick up on it--don't do that folks).  We cannot be effective witnesses, effective living epistles, if we cannot believe all things.

God loves us with the kind of love Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13.  God has given us more than the benefit of the doubt through the remission of all sins of believers by the blood of Jesus Christ.  God has said to us that he knows we messed up.  He knows we have fallen short.  But He still loves us,  and he has provided a way for us to maintain a loving relationship with Him.

The Love Doctor 10: Love is not Selfish

Sometimes, in my attempts to get the words on the screen, I am hasty, and I fail to reference the appropriate scripture.  Before I begin, lets look at our base scripture from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

We have examined several of Paul's statements in previous posts.  Today we have come to, love is not self-seeking.  To avoid confusion I will replace the term self-seeking with the term selfish.  Love is not selfish.  Remember brothers and sisters, love is defined here as agape, or unconditional love.  It is epitomized by the type and form of love that God has for us.  It is not 'Disney' love that depends on how a person performs, or makes us feel.  It is a love that transcends our human failures and performs lovingly despite the same. 

So, saying that love is not selfish may require that we examine the ultimate act of selflessness as a comparison to selfishness.  Imagine a father who had 10 children.  9 of them were disobedient little brats that could not manage to follow the father's rules for even 1 day.  So the father, who is a just man, and must punish his children who break the rules, decides that he will set aside the 10th child as a sacrifice (whipping boy) for the other 9.  Now this 10th child never broke 1 rule.  Yet when the time came, the father punishes the 10th child for every single disobedient act of the other 9.  Not only that, but the father punishes the 10th child for every disobedient act of the 9's children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grand children and so on.  The punishment is physical and severe, and the 10th child does it willingly out of love for his brothers and sisters.  Because he knows that the punishment he endures will put his brothers and sisters in a right relationship with the father.  That, my friends, is a picture of what Jesus did for us.  Now of course it is an illustration and it leaves out a lot, but you may get a picture of what unselfish love is. 


Love, without regard for self---what does it look like?  It looks like a mother eating bread and cheese so her babies can eat meat.  It looks like that same mother eating nothing so her children can have bread and cheese.  It is the person who donates a kidney to someone they don't know.  It is loving people without the expectation of any return.  It is an act for which there can truly be no recompense. 

In a marriage unselfish love is putting your spouses needs or wants ahead of yours.  It is driving the lemon, while your spouse gets the good car.  It is sacrificing that warm bed and getting up to make breakfast.  It is a giving a massage when all you want to do is receive one.  Unselfish love is not withholding kinds words, affections, acts, money, or anything you know will bless your spouse.  Trust me folks, it is cold enough in the world.  Your spouse does not need to come home to a frigid house.  Jesus gave everything to us.  Would it kill us to be kind and loving to our mates. 

Now, I cannot let you leave without making you angry with me, or maybe I just did. Christians, we have to love others so much that we are willing to jeopardize our relationship with them to tell them the truth about salvation.  If you are reading this, and you are Christian, you know someone who is going to hell.  Don't rationalize this and say--they can accept Christ on their deathbed.  You don't know how or when that person will die.  You love them, but you don't love them enough to tell them the truth.  That friend who is an atheist.  That cousin who smokes marijuana.  That niece with the questionable facebook pictures on her page.  The married friend who flirts too much.  That person living a gay lifestyle.  We know that these behaviors can be forgiven, but do we tell the person they need to seek His forgiveness?  Do we tell them the truth in love at the right time?  Or do we uphold them in the wrongdoing because we don't love them enough to want to see them in eternity?  Do we rationalize their behavior so we don't have to address it?  Our selfishness will cause us to not engage in conversations because they are uncomfortable.  Love will make us strong enough to endure being uncomfortable for a time to see that the gospel is made clear in the lives of those we love.   Look into the eyes of the one you love, and say to them, "I love you.  You are very important to me.  I want to spend eternity knowing you and I'm afraid for your soul.  This is why."  Then, my friend, tell them what you have witnessed in their lives; and tell them that Jesus will forgive it all, if they repent and believe in Him.  Let unselfish love carry your words, and let God give the increase.

The Love Doctor Part 3- Love is Kind

Brothers and Sisters, we examined Agape love as being patient in the last post. Let us not forget that patience is long suffering and not easily wounded. Being patient allows us to forgive over and over again without developing a resentment for those who wrong us. Patience allows us to keep our hearts soft and not put up the rocky walls to keep ourselves from being hurt. It is imperative that we allow the holy spirit to keep our hearts soft and forgiving. He will do it if we allow Him to work in us.

Look at the New Living Translation of Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.



Patience allows us to keep spreading our arms wide, although the subject of our love continually slaps us in the face. Patience in love, is not easy.

Kindness is an equally difficult, but integral part of Agape love. Oh, it is easy enough to be kind when people are kind to us; but Paul did not qualify his statements. Love is kind in the face of the most hateful, demeaning, painful, ugliness a human can endure. Love is kind because love is kind. That is the nature of love. Sugar is sweet, because that is the nature of sugar. That nature does not change when you boil it, freeze it, dissolve it, or put it on Corn Flakes. Love is kind when it has not gotten enough sleep. It is kind when it's needs have not been met. It is kind when it is hungry. It is even kind when it is pain.

Beloved, we live in a society of excuses. We are quick to excuse our unkindness on outside circumstances, or on emotional turmoil.

"I had a headache, and I just wasn't myself, so I said some mean things I didn't want to say."

"I had a lot of pent up anger, so I just let loose."

"My spouse and I had been fighting, I was feeling mad, so I just told him/her off."

"I missed breakfast, and I was not in the mood, so I gave him/her a piece of my mind."

"I didn't have anything nice to say, so I just ignored him/her."

Does any of that sound familiar. These are excuses we use everyday for being unkind. Beloved, this is hard. However, I have come to believe that our unkindness is not a problem, it is a symptom. We are unkind to one another because we do not understand love. Our lack of love is the illness. Being mean is just a manifestation.

We must begin to love one another enough to allow the Holy Spirit to subdue the hatefulness that lies in all of us, both in thought and word. Our flesh will tell us that we must lash out, and vent our emotions on others in order to 'feel' better. But the word of God tells us to 'be slow to anger,' and 'cast all our cares upon Him.' Look at what Jesus says to Peter:

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

That is the standard. We should all be striving to meet the standard Jesus set for us. As Christians, we are to work to conform our lives to the mold Christ left for us. This week beloved, I challenge all of you to be mindful of your words and your actions. We are to be 'living epistles,' and God's representatives on earth. The world needs to see God's kindness in us, especially in the face of adversity.

Next week- Is Kindness weak?

Love is Patient

Folks, we live in a deceptive culture.  Oftentimes our beliefs and expectations have been so shaped by Hollywood and technology that we don't even realize how weak our collective resolve has become.  We no longer believe that patience is a 'virtue'.  Oh, we may say we believe that, but our actions are very different.  In the first of his most excellent statements on love, the apostle Paul writes that "Love is Patient".

Read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-10

4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.



Let's look at what Paul did not say.  He did not say love should be patient.  He did not say love is sometimes patient.  He did not say that love is mostly patient.  He wrote precisely what the Holy Spirit told him to write, and that was, Love is patient.  What is more telling, is that he listed patience first among the litany of other descriptors of love.  This indicates that patience within the context of love is important.

What, then, is patience?  Patience is the quality of being able to be hurt, embarrassed, or provoked to anger by another person without resentment, or revenge.  Read the previous sentence again.  Patience, brothers and sisters is developing a thick skin that will allow us to be hurt over and over again without ceasing to love the ones that hurt us.  It is a very Christ-like quality.  While Christ suffered on the cross for those that laughed at him, made fun of him, physically hurt him; we tend to want to rebuke someone for stepping on our Nike tennis shoe.  How wretched are we? 

A perfect example of loving patience is the Civil Rights Movement.  Those brothers and sisters loved so deeply that they would not retaliate against angry people who mowed them down with fire hoses, loosed vicious dogs on them, beat them with clubs, and even hung their beautiful babies from trees.  Just thinking about it makes me angry.  Yet, the Black people in the movement had enough loving patience to endure until victory was won! (Yes folks, there were many victories, it is us that are making a mockery of all they fought for--those beautiful people didn't get beat on so Lil Wayne and those other fools can walk around here like idiots.  And those are our heroes.  How wretched are we?)

How then does patience relate to love?  We are going to hurt one another.  There is no way around it, except to go through it.  Husbands, your wives will cause you pain.  Wives, your husbands will cause you pain.  Parents your children will cause you pain.  Children, your parents will cause you pain.  Brothers and sisters, your sibling will cause you pain.  Friends, your...you get the picture.  It is an inescapable aspect of life.  We hurt those that are closest to us, and those that are not so close to us.  Without patience, love transforms into a much lesser form of itself.  Without patience love becomes conditional, and we only love people when they make us feel good.  Thus, we would abandon our loved ones when they need us the most. 

When we are operating in impatience, we are not being loving.    Husbands, we are to be the ministers in our homes.  We must operate in patience, or we are indirectly communicating to our wives, and/or children that we either do not love them, or we are not mature enough to love them the way God commands us to love.

The Love Doctor- Part 1

Recent events in my life have caused me to want to search the scriptures as they relate to love. 

Before I dig into it, I'd like to take a moment to define love as I will write about it here.  The love I am referring to here stands in direct contrast to our 'hollywood' conception of love.  The love we will talk about here is the same kind of love God has for all of us.  Read the following scriptures:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' (Matthew 5:43)




But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:44)


If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? (Matthew 5:46)


In these 3 verses is the basic premise of Agape love.  Agape love is the same kind of love that God has for mankind.  It is what we call unconditional love.  Agape love is not contingent on the behavior of others.  It loves others regardless of emotions, feelings, or moods.  It loves even those that seek to do it harm, or hate it. 

It is my opinion, that Agape love frees us of any bondage we may have to this world.  It transcends the human condition and allows us to operate despite our human trappings.  All other forms of love, romantic, brotherly, etc, are lesser types of of the intended form.  For example, we have various types of gold jewelry we can wear if we choose.  However, 24 carat gold is gold in its purest form.  It is better because it is not tainted.  Agape love is not tainted by our human limitations.  It is love in its purest form. 

The Bible talks a lot about love.  That is probably because the Bible is all about God, and God is love (Agape love).  I would like to begin exploring the topic of love in the Bible by taking a close look at how love is described beautifully in 1 Corinthians by Paul.  We will look at the first part in this post and subsequent verses in later posts. This is 1 Corinthians 13:1-3.

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.


Please do not miss this.  What Paul is saying here is that love should be our basis for all that we do.  He is speaking to the very thing that drives us.  Even if we do great and wonderful things, if we do not do them out of love, then it is nothing.  Love has nothing to do with self.  You cannot Agape yourself (I'm not even sure that is legal in every state).  It has to be about God first, and then others.  So our love should be the central motivation of all our actions! 

Now that I understand this principle.  I can see that I have a long way to go.  I often do things so that people will be grateful to me for doing them.  I like to be well thought of.  Sometimes when I am not shown the gratitude I expect, I am a little hurt.  But when my motives are pure, I am never hurt, or disappointed, because I expect nothing in return.  The giving out of love is its own reward. 

What does this look like?  In my many roles, I come into contact with many people.  I once knew a man who worked in the building I worked in on the weekends.  He would pull up to the front in his van, unload a young lady in a wheel chair, and they would both come inside.  I assumed that the young lady was his daughter by the way he catered to her, and spoke so lovingly to her.  One day, I saw him without her and asked him where his daughter was.  He replied that he didn't have daughter.  The lady he was so kind to, so loving with was his wife.  She suffered some sort of brain damage due to a stroke and she was rendered unable to walk, and she could only speak 2 or 3 words at a time.  She was totally unable to take care of herself.  The man told me that he took care of her every need, and he would continue to do so as long as it was physically possible.  This man understood Agape love, and how it should motivate us to act without thinking about ourselves. 

It may be a great idea to look at the people in your life that you claim to love and ask yourself if your love is truly unconditional.  If not, pray that God shows you how to purify your love for others just as his love for you is pure.