The Last Love Doctor: Love Never Fails

Brothers and Sisters, I have written this post 4 other times.  It should be the easiest post to write because it summarizes Paul's exposition on love.  Here is our text from 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails.

This should be the easiest post.  However, one must be very careful not to mislead.  If we talk about love then we must transcend this world and point toward the cross.  Paul's final statement about love is that Love never fails.  Remember, this is not Disney love.  For our purposes here we are talking about Agape- the strongest love.  Agape never fails.

Paul's last statement has been the most difficult for me to reconcile.  I have often witnessed the death of what we commonly refer to as love.  So, how then, can we reconcile what Paul says here with the horrible truth that is our reality?  The truth that we have all been eyewitnesses or participants in love that has indeed failed.

My heart cried out when I reflected on these final words in this section from Paul.  I wanted to say Paul is a filthy liar!  How is it that love never fails when I know love fails.  I have seen love die a multitude of deaths.  I have seen love die in families, in churches, in communities, in friendships, in parent/child relationships, and in marriages.  What does Paul mean love never fails?  Then why is there so much pain in the world?  Why is there so much pain in my world!?  Yes, I compared the word of God to my own life and I cried foul!

But God!
God spoke to my heart as only He can.  He said David, you are a fool.  (I knew that already).  You still think Paul wrote as a man to men.  No David, Paul was writing My words to men.  The problem is not that love fails.  The problem is you still don't understand Agape!  Agape is a picture of my relationship with Israel.  They kept turning away from me, and I kept on loving them.  Agape is a picture of Jesus' love for the world.  When the people who welcomed Jesus into the city turned on Him and yelled 'crucify him' soon after, Jesus said, 'Forgive them Father.'  That is love.  Paul never promised that relationships would never fail.  He said love never fails.

Even though some children cannot stand to be in the same room with their parents, the loving spirit of God in the parent will allow that parent to continue praying for that wayward child.  Even though that boss or coworker treats a person like dirt. My spirit in that person can allow them to love through being mistreated.  Even though that spouse has made the other feel like a leper.  My treasure in that earthen vessel will cause that spouse to stay in the marriage and continue to love the other person.  It is not the person that loves, but the spirit of God in the person that loves. 

So beloved, I will leave you with this logical proof of Paul's great final statement on love.

God is love.
Love never fails.
God never fails.

Love Doctor: Love Endureth All Things

If love, as defined by our fallen culture, has deconstructed me; then love, as defined by God, has recreated me.  Brother's and Sister's I have seen the incredible carnage a selfish love can leave in its enormous wake.  I have also experienced the all encompassing redemption of agape.

Love endureth all things is what Paul says about agape after he writes in 1 Corinthians 13 that love hopes all things.  No matter how much I mediatate on God's word, something new is always revealed to me.  There is a supernatural genius about how this passage is put together.  You see, our hope fuels our ability to endure.  Endurance enables us to continue to love through the storms that test our resolve.

Endure:

1. to remain
   1. to tarry behind
2. to remain i.e. abide, not recede or flee
   1. to preserve: under misfortunes and trials to hold fast to one's faith in Christ
   
   2. to endure, bear bravely and calmly: ill treatments 

 In this culture we have a tendancy to abandon relationships that are not currently functioning the way we would like them to.  Look at the number of abandoned children, or the 50% divorce rate in America.  Look at how often some people switch jobs or doctors.  We are a people that love to jump around and experience new things.  Or abandon ship at the first sign of trouble.  Unfortunately, the creator of the universe values endurance in relationships over the ending of relationships.  You see how we relate to each other is a picture of our relationship with our heavenly father.






Please do not believe that this only applies to marriage, but I'd like to use marriage as an illustration for this principle.  Marriage is a metaphor for God's love for his people, and Jesus' love for the church.  Thus, the husband shall love the wife as Christ loves the church.  Christ will not simply abandon his bride if she burns the bread.  He will not abandon her is she fails to come home one night.  He will not abandon her if she is known to be unfaithful to Him.   He will continue to love her, cherish her, teach her, protect her, regardless of her behavior.  Christ has chosen, or elected his church.  Husbands and wives elect one another.  Once that election occurs, it is sure.

Thus, when we encounter tests in our marriages, we must allow our hope that God's will is being done always to allow us to endure.  Satan will try to break apart everything God has put together.  He is the great divider.  He separated us from our God from the begining.  He will separate us from one another because an isolated Christian will fall faster, further, and harder than one who is loved and supported regardless of their shortcomminngs.

Enduring love, agape love is God's plan for every relationship.  It is the thing that allows us to trust each other.  Stay with me here.  We trust God because he is unchanging.  He is the same today, yesterday and forever.  The same is true of our loved ones.  I cannot put my trust in people's emotions.  Emotions are fickle.  Any trust in emotions is foolishness.  I have walked with God too long to be fooled in that way.  What I have learned (through a very painful, sobering work of the Holy Spirit) is that I can trust in those who rely on the hope of glory to strengthen them to endure through any dumb thing I can think of doing.  And I can think of some pretty dumb things to do.  I cannot trust myself not to grieve people.  The Bible says that the fact I believe in Jesus greives a bunch of people I don't even know.  So I know in this life I will offend.  Therefore, I can only trust in those that rely on God to give them grace to forgive me, and endure my human fraility, as I endure the human frailty of others.  I hope that makes sense.  Love endureth all things. 


 

Love Doctor: Love always hopes

Whew!  I made it back to my task.  Satan is busy; and his business has been keeping me busy.  But, glory be to the most high God that I finally can take a breath and turn my mind once again toward Paul's discourse on love found in 1 Corinthians.

 Here is the text from 1 Corinthians 13.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails.
In the last entry we looked at love and trust.  Basically we said that love, agape love, gives people the benefit of the doubt.  Paul follows his statement about trust by saying that love always hopes, or love Hope all things.

Of all the posts on this topic of love; I believe this is the strongest aspect of agape love as we can apply it to our lives.  Love always hopes!  We know that agape is a type of love that is selfless and giving.  It is a mirror of the way God loves us.  We cannot ever repay God for his love, yet he gives it freely and abundantly to all of us. 

What about hope?  Hope means to expect with confidence.  As Christians we know we serve a God that is immutable and omnipotent.  He does not change and he has the ability to do all he says he will do.  Those two attributes, when joined together give us hope that every one of over 3,000 promises made in the Bible will be fulfilled concerning those that have repented and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ.  It is from this place that we can begin to draw upon the hope that we have in Christ; the hope of glory!

So, our agape love must manifest itself in both an inward expectation with confidence, and an outward display of hope.  This is not hope in ourselves, but hope that God will do what he said he will do.   

One author wrote this about hope:

* "When we are trapped in a tunnel of misery, hope points to the light at the end.
* When we are overworked and exhausted, hope gives us fresh energy.
* When we are discouraged, hope lifts our spirits.
* When we are tempted to quit, hope keeps us going.
* When we lose our way and confusion blurs our destination, hope dulls the edge of panic.
* When we struggle with a crippling disease or a lingering illness, hope helps us persevere beyond the pain.
* When we fear the worst, hope brings reminders that God is still in control.
* When we must endure the consequences of bad decisions, hope fuels our recovery.
* When we find ourselves in financial difficulty, hope tells us that we still have a future.
* When we are forced to sit back and wait, hope gives us the patience to trust.
* When we feel rejected and abandoned, hope reminds us we're not alone...we'll make it.
* When we say our final farewell to someone we love, hope in the life beyond gets us through our grief."

(Charles R. Swindoll, Hope Again: When Life Hurts and Dreams Fade, pp.xi,xii)

Brothers and sisters Satan will try his level best (remember he has been practicing his craft since the beginning) to discourage us.  When we are doing well in one area, Satan will attack us somewhere us.  When we are praying without ceasing, Satan will cause us to be too busy to pray for a season.  When we get a promotion at work, Satan will attack a spouse or a parent, or a child.

At a relationship level, Satan will bring confusion and chaos into our relationships with our loved ones in our home and in our church.  He will attempt to bring division through his lies and deceit.  He will bring devastation through addiction to drugs, alcohol, or pornography.  It is during these times that Paul says we must have hope that God has a plan and that plan will come to pass.

 Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 

Hope allows us to persevere.  It causes us to be able to praise God when things are hard.  It allows us to wait on the Lord and pray through every unfavorable circumstance with confident expectation.

Love Doctor: Love always trusts

Let's begin with our scripture (Paul really causes us to reflect deeply here)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Today I want to look a little deeper into love always trusts.  Remember that love here means agape, which is God's perfect, unconditional love.  And I want to begin in the physical and move into the spiritual.

Brothers and Sisters, I almost skipped this one.  Trust seems to be one of those things that does not come naturally for me.  Perhaps I am was born with a flawed trust gene.  I can honestly say, this has been a monster in my life.  But God, true to form, has even taught me how to trust.  Praise Him!

The King James Version does not say love always trusts.  It actually says love believes all things.  Anyone out there has ever seen the damage infidelity can do in a relationship will agree that it is a foolish thing thing to trust when someone has proven themselves untrustworthy.  God is not telling us to be fools.  What Paul is saying here is that we need give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt. 

The word of the day here is intentionality.  I am stricken with the horrid foot-in-the-mouth disease.  Things fly out of my mouth with the greatest intentions of kindness and love; however, the misinterpretation of those same things can leave others with hurt feelings.  Most of the time I think of a better way to say things 2 or 3 days after I have already manifested the symptoms of my ailment.  If people who love me did not trust that I say things with good intentions, I would be a very lonely person.   

Paul is saying to us that when there is a question of malice, or wrongdoing, that we should give the benefit of the doubt and believe that people are not out to harm us.  I think that is where trust begins to work.  Trust begins to work in that space between action and response.  If the action which can be a word or deed occurs, and that causes us some sort of offense, then our loving trust will affect our response.  When we can say to ourselves that whatever that person did that hurt us was not intended to hurt us, and quickly forgive them we are practicing this principal of believing all things.

This principal also allows us to be genuinely affectionate and loving to people.  When we do not look for the best in others we are automatically on our guard and our communication both verbal and nonverbal seems false.  It's that to wide smile or too perky hello (and people pick up on it--don't do that folks).  We cannot be effective witnesses, effective living epistles, if we cannot believe all things.

God loves us with the kind of love Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13.  God has given us more than the benefit of the doubt through the remission of all sins of believers by the blood of Jesus Christ.  God has said to us that he knows we messed up.  He knows we have fallen short.  But He still loves us,  and he has provided a way for us to maintain a loving relationship with Him.

Love always Protects

Brothers, this one is for us.

If you have not figured it out already, I am a Black man.  As such, I feel like I can write certain things about my people that others cannot.  Brace yourselves brothers, this may sting a bit. 

I was talking to a brother yesterday.  He has a 2 year old son, and his eyes light up when he talks about his wife and his kid.  It was a joy to just listen to him talk about his family.  He has been affected by this economy and he is working a second job, and he was greatful that he has the opportunity to put in some extra hours so he can put his family in a better position.  He didn't complain, he didn't groan, he was the consummate protector, doing whatever he needed to do to make sure his family survives. 

It is not secret that our culture is sick.  It no longer functions as a way to transmit positive values.  Our women are exhausted.  They are jaded on the prospect of finding a decent man.  They are overworked and underappreciated.  They are sagging under the weight of carrying dual roles.  More of our young men are in jail and prison than in college.  And brothers, it is all our fault!  Love always protects, and we have not been protecting our women and children.

 

The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:7 the following about love

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Brothers, we have not loved our families the way God would have us to love our families for several generations.  Our children and our women bear the scars of our failures.  While we languish in front of the TV playing Madden, or behind bars because we were not man enough to work for what we wanted.  And while we were so busy loving ourselves, and pleasing ourselves, our women were busy playing the man. 

We have failed to protect our loved ones.  The Greek translation of the term is: to cover.  We have not covered our loved ones.  Men it is our job to cover in every circumstance.  We must cover from the elements, cover from hunger, cover from nakedness, cover from the world, cover in prayer, cover in affection, cover in teaching, cover in everything.  We must be willing to go out and fight, and possibly lose our very lives for the ones we love---and not just when we feel brave. 

You'll notice the term always precedes protects.  That term is unconditional.  Always is always.  So we are to put aside our needs to protect the objects of our love regardless of the circumstance. Try this, ask yourself what do you protect?  Your car?  Your home?  Your Jordans?  Your bank account?  Your reputation?  What do you make sure is always secure.  That, my friend is what you love. 

Let's look at this outside of the physical realm.  I'm writing to Christian men now.  Brothers, if we love Jesus, have we sought to protect him?  It is very true, Jesus does not need our protection.  But do we maintain a vigilant heart against those that would pervert, denounce, or otherwise compromise the word of God?  Brothers, if we love Jesus, then how can we allow people to smear his precious name in our presence without uttering a single word? 

Jesus provides the perfect example of protection on the cross.  His blood is our covering.  It conceals our wickedness from a just God who has to punish sin.  Jesus endured terrible pain, and then death to protect us-who he loves.  He gave all for us.  In doing so he provided a prefect example of how far we should be willing to go to cover those we love. 

Men, let's stand up and love our women and children properly.  Let's put ourselves aside and become the protectors God designed us to be.  It begins by repenting and believing in Christ.  Understanding his love and protection is the beginning of understanding how we are to love and protect. 

Love always protects. 

The Love Doctor 14: Love rejoices in truth

For many, many years I was lost.  I was headed to hell in gasoline soaked underwear.  But the worst thing about my pitiful condition was that the Christians in my life knew it; and no one said anything at all. 

Friends, I can thank a merciful God for reaching in and pulling me out of the murky waters of unrepentant sin.  God allowed me to dig a hole so deep that I had no other choice but to turn to Him.  And when I learned the truth, I did rejoice.  When I learned how wicked my own heart was, I praised God for that knowledge.  Read Jeremiah 17:9

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

What the weeping prophet is telling us here is that our desires speak lies to us above all things.  The things we gravitate toward are wicked hateful things.  Brothers and Sisters, that verse set me free.  That verse spoke to me like John 3:16 speaks to many other believers.  That verse told me to take whatever I wanted and hold up against the truth, which is the word of God, and see if they match.  When I understood that, it was like seeing for the first time.  I was able to truly rejoice in the truth. 

You see before I understood that verse I was like that boat lost at sea, being tossed about according to the weather.  I said and did whatever I felt like doing.  I believed that horrible lie the culture tells us.  Our flawed system tells us to do what feels right.  The culture told me that God put the desires I had in my heart so they couldn't be wrong.  When the spirit revealed to me the truth in that verse, I became stable.  My walk began to straighten out.  My thoughts became crystal clear, because I understood that I could not trust what was in my heart, and I must depend on the word of God to guide me. 

Friends, I said all that to get to my real point.  You cannot love fully until you love in the truth.  You cannot love in truth until you know the truth.  Let's look at our text:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.



When we love with an agape love, we find joy when others experience the truth.  We rejoice when the Holy Spirit reveals the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ to a lost soul and that new name is entered into the book of life.  We almost hear the angels sing when that brave soul takes the long walk down the aisle at church to begin the process of salvation. 

Brothers and sisters when we really rejoice in truth we do not remain silent when others around us do not know the truth.  You cannot really know the gospel and not want to share it.  How much do you have to hate someone to not share the gospel (some of you will get that later).  C.S. Lewis wrote (and I'm paraphrasing here) that there is a kind of joy that produces a seriousness or sense of purpose.  That joy wants us all to be saved, so we can all rejoice in the truth.

Love rejoices in the truth! 

The Love Doctor 13: Love does not delight in evil

My youngest son is 6.  He is, like my oldest, a delightful young man.  The little one is a bit more bouncy and  much more talkative than the big one.  He tends also to have a very tender heart, and an inflated sense of himself which makes for a very interesting combination. 

One day, while playing T-ball he was going to try to catch the ball, and he fell down in the process, missing the ball altogether.  The manner in which he did it, his body position, facial expression, and woeful misjudgement of where the ball would be was comical---as younger children playing anything can sometimes be.  Well, Elijah happened to look in the stands and saw me laughing at his error.  He didn't like that one bit and he let me know.  Elijah does not like to be laughed at unless he is trying to be funny.  Lesson learned, I have tried to not laugh at him when he is serious about something; and his mannerism makes that very hard to do.  I fail from time to time and for a 6 year old, he can give some pretty dirty looks.  Anyway, the topic today is again from Paul's epistle to the Corinthians:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I should not have laughed at my son.  It is clear here that Paul wants us to be on our guard against taking pleasure in other people's misfortune, sin, or the consequences thereof.  That is a rather Innocent example, but look at how that same thing plays itself out in other ways.   Do you enjoy it when that unfaithful spouse is finally caught, and the other spouse is granted a divorce?  When the IRS audits that neighbor who has been claiming his cat and dog on his taxes as dependents, do you breath a sigh of relief?  What about that busybody at the office?  Does your face assume a satisfied look when the boss finally sees all of the trouble that person is causing?  When that fast talking, prosperity preaching television evangelist gets caught up in a scandal, do you post it up on facebook and say I told you so?  Are you happy when someone knocks the stuffing out of that bully at school?  What about that braggart who has been telling everyone about their new car.  When they total loss that car, do you secretly rejoice?  What about when that family member's big 6 room mansion burns to the ground.  Do you celebrate in your inner self as long as everyone gets out safely?

The other day, I was talking to a lady, who has not spoken to her sister in over 5 years because of something her sister did concerning their mother's estate.  In the conversation this little old Christian lady stated over and over again that her sister would get her just reward in this life or the next.  This little old lady who makes snacks and cakes and coffee for the whole building spoke nothing but evil into her sisters life.  But are we not all guilty of delighting in evil? 

Recently I saw a television show of a popular boxer almost coming to blows with his father.  What was worse was what that same man said about his father to his face.  He was so very disrespectful to his father, and the Bible is clear that we are to honor our mother and father.  I did not like the man after I saw that.  Recently, that man got sentenced to jail and I did rejoice.  Why?  Because I was not in the spirit, but in the flesh.  If I had been operating in the spirit, and allowing the fruit of agape love to flow through me, I would have prayed for that young man.  Instead I said to myself---that dude got exactly what he deserved.  I was delighting in evil, and it is right for me to repent of that sin.

Brothers and Sisters, do not rejoice when others fall upon hard times for whatever reason.  Trust me, I know that is easier said than done.  However, you can be more mindful of your heart in this matter now.  Don't you want people to show you compassion when you have evil befall you.  I know I do.  Suffering is real whether it be self-inflicted or otherwise.  The bigger picture is the condition of that persons soul when they die, not necessarily how they live.  Showing compassion to people when they are at their lowest point is a very Christ-like thing to do.  When the world scorns them, Christians should embrace them, pray for them and love them anyway!  Do not delight in evil.

Love Doctor 12: Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

In the last post we looked at how Love, agape love, is not easily angered.  We pointed out that anger is the result of selfishness and the remedy to anger is to remember God's grace.  Here, we will look at the next descriptor of love according to the apostle Paul.  It is in bold below. 

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Brothers and Sisters, it is clear here, that in order to love without limits this has to be deeply rooted in our consciousness.  To love one another as God loves us, to participate in true agape love we have to understand this.  Love keeps no record of wrongs.  At the core of true love lies forgiveness. 

We have all heard some Christian person say this: I forgive, but I do not forget.  Well I am by no means a scholar that can quote scripture, or exegete biblical texts.  However, I can read.  And anyone who says that is speaking directly in contradiction to the word of God.  LET THAT SINK IN.   When we forgive, we must forget.  We must not keep a record of wrongs!

I am reminded of a family that I know that has been utterly decimated by the violation of this principal.  They no longer speak to one another because each has maintained a running record of what the other has done to wrong them.  They both say they forgive the other, but they have not forgotten what the other has done.  They have held on to the pain caused by some distant transgression. 

Stay with me here brothers and sisters.  That pain is fertile soil.  The actual transgression is a seed.  The remembering of that pain is the water.  When the three have combined, they produce a root structure of bitterness that causes all other relationships, and spiritual fruit to decay and wither.  When we remember wrongs we poison ourselves, and cripple our walk with God. 

Bitterness is not a fruit, but a root.  It is deep and causes us to produce fruit that rotten, putrid, and sour.  Look at what the bible says about bitterness:

1. God's Word warns us against the dangers of bitterness.

• Proverbs 18:19 [When we allow ourselves to become bitter against others, we create walls difficult to overcome, which isolates us from others.] A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
• Acts 8:22,23 [Bitterness is a sin to be repented of.] Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee. 23 For I perceive that thou art in the gall [poison] of bitterness, and in the bond of iniquity.
• Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
• Hebrews 12:15 [Be on guard against it, because even a little root of bitterness can do much harm to you and others.] Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled [contaminated]. [See also Deuteronomy 29:18.]
• James 3:14 If ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not [don't brag about it.], and lie not against the truth.

In my own life, I admit, I was so very angry at my earthly father.  As a young man I harbored all manner of ill will toward him.  He elected to not be around in my life.  He essentially abandoned me, and I resented him for it.  When I came to understand that Jesus had forgiven me of all my transgressions, then I could see clear to forgive my earthly father of his.  Because the lord has given me strength and wisdom to do this, two souls have been set free.  Praise God! 

If you are married, learn to forgive and to ask forgiveness.  See to it that your spouse knows that you harbor no remembrance of what they have done in the past.  Confess your love for them without attaching it to past, present, or future performance and watch them grow exponentially!  Watch them cover you with love and companionship that can only come when we have assurance that our transgressions cannot shake the foundations of love in the relationship.  It is the same with every relationship we have. 

Lastly, you may be wondering how to combat the root of bitterness.  What do you do when it has taken up residence in your heart.  It is the same as any deep sin.  Believe in the power of Jesus Christ to deliver us.  Repent of our sins.  Pray and fast for deliverance.  Remember that God is not bitter toward us.  He loved us enough to send his son to die for us.  We must love each other enough to forgive others of their tresspasses, and not be bitter toward one another. 

The Love Doctor 11: Love is not easily angered

If you are like me, you don't want to miss the Christmas tradition of watching "A Christmas Story" on TBS or TNT or whatever channel when they show it on Christmas Day.  It is a very funny movie.  When I think of anger, my thoughts always drift to the father in the movie.  Watch this clip before you continue reading. In it the son, Ralphie has just dropped the f bomb in front of his father and his mother is engaging in torture tactics to get him to reveal who taught him such language.




I love it when Ralphie says his dad works in profanity like an artist works in clay (or whatever medium he said). It is there that I find my old man (that old man is me before I got saved, not my father). Folks, I was an angry son of a gun before I knew Christ. I would, like Ralphie's dad, use foul language, raise my voice, slam things around, throw things, and feel justified in doing so all at once. I am so glad that the blood of Jesus atones for all sins.

Our text comes from 1 Corinthians 13,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - NIV)

Before I knew Christ, I did not know love. I knew emotion, feeling, raw and unchecked. What I knew is how I felt at the time in my heart. But read this:

"The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? Jeremiah 17:9.

By following my heart and believing that this was the correct thing to do, I was consistently harming myself, and those around me. I was quick to anger, and those closest to me saw it and heard it most often. And I was following my heart. I was doing what my heart told me. You see, brothers and sisters, if you follow your heart you are following after wickedness, because your heart is wicked.

Being angry is natural for me. It is natural for me to get irritated with the girl at the Food Lion who cannot seem to keep up with the volume of customers in her line. It is natural for me to fly off the handle when someone keeps me waiting. How dare they! Thank God for His grace and wisdom that has taught me to die to myself. Thank God for his mercy that has forgiven me of my anger, and delivered me from the same.

What my anger told the ones I professed to love was that I love you when you please me, otherwise, I want to kill you! You may say, wait a second, slow down. Anger doesn't mean you want to murder. Read this:

"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: Matthew 5:21-24.

Jesus has likened anger to murder. Who are you to say differently? When Paul writes that love is not easily angered, he is saying that we must not be so selfish as to put our needs above others. One may ask the question, what does anger have to do with selfishness? My answer to that is everything. We become angry when others cause circumstances in our lives to be contrary to what we desire. Anger is the self following after what it wants. It contradicts agape love, which demands the displacement of the self in favor of others.

Brothers and sisters, I believe that the world has become an angry place because it has become a selfish place. We have every inclination catered to all day every day. We want what we want when we want it, and when we don't get it we become irate children throwing temper tantrums.

The remedy for such detestable behavior is the remembrance of the love of God. While God has every reason to be angry with us (I've given him several reasons already today), he allows his grace and mercy to abound more than his anger. He loves us so much that he does not give us what we deserve. Instead of death, he has given us life through His son Jesus Christ. Therefore brothers and sisters, instead of being angry, let us all be gracious toward our fellow man as our lord God has been with us.

The Love Doctor 10: Love is not Selfish

Sometimes, in my attempts to get the words on the screen, I am hasty, and I fail to reference the appropriate scripture.  Before I begin, lets look at our base scripture from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

We have examined several of Paul's statements in previous posts.  Today we have come to, love is not self-seeking.  To avoid confusion I will replace the term self-seeking with the term selfish.  Love is not selfish.  Remember brothers and sisters, love is defined here as agape, or unconditional love.  It is epitomized by the type and form of love that God has for us.  It is not 'Disney' love that depends on how a person performs, or makes us feel.  It is a love that transcends our human failures and performs lovingly despite the same. 

So, saying that love is not selfish may require that we examine the ultimate act of selflessness as a comparison to selfishness.  Imagine a father who had 10 children.  9 of them were disobedient little brats that could not manage to follow the father's rules for even 1 day.  So the father, who is a just man, and must punish his children who break the rules, decides that he will set aside the 10th child as a sacrifice (whipping boy) for the other 9.  Now this 10th child never broke 1 rule.  Yet when the time came, the father punishes the 10th child for every single disobedient act of the other 9.  Not only that, but the father punishes the 10th child for every disobedient act of the 9's children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grand children and so on.  The punishment is physical and severe, and the 10th child does it willingly out of love for his brothers and sisters.  Because he knows that the punishment he endures will put his brothers and sisters in a right relationship with the father.  That, my friends, is a picture of what Jesus did for us.  Now of course it is an illustration and it leaves out a lot, but you may get a picture of what unselfish love is. 


Love, without regard for self---what does it look like?  It looks like a mother eating bread and cheese so her babies can eat meat.  It looks like that same mother eating nothing so her children can have bread and cheese.  It is the person who donates a kidney to someone they don't know.  It is loving people without the expectation of any return.  It is an act for which there can truly be no recompense. 

In a marriage unselfish love is putting your spouses needs or wants ahead of yours.  It is driving the lemon, while your spouse gets the good car.  It is sacrificing that warm bed and getting up to make breakfast.  It is a giving a massage when all you want to do is receive one.  Unselfish love is not withholding kinds words, affections, acts, money, or anything you know will bless your spouse.  Trust me folks, it is cold enough in the world.  Your spouse does not need to come home to a frigid house.  Jesus gave everything to us.  Would it kill us to be kind and loving to our mates. 

Now, I cannot let you leave without making you angry with me, or maybe I just did. Christians, we have to love others so much that we are willing to jeopardize our relationship with them to tell them the truth about salvation.  If you are reading this, and you are Christian, you know someone who is going to hell.  Don't rationalize this and say--they can accept Christ on their deathbed.  You don't know how or when that person will die.  You love them, but you don't love them enough to tell them the truth.  That friend who is an atheist.  That cousin who smokes marijuana.  That niece with the questionable facebook pictures on her page.  The married friend who flirts too much.  That person living a gay lifestyle.  We know that these behaviors can be forgiven, but do we tell the person they need to seek His forgiveness?  Do we tell them the truth in love at the right time?  Or do we uphold them in the wrongdoing because we don't love them enough to want to see them in eternity?  Do we rationalize their behavior so we don't have to address it?  Our selfishness will cause us to not engage in conversations because they are uncomfortable.  Love will make us strong enough to endure being uncomfortable for a time to see that the gospel is made clear in the lives of those we love.   Look into the eyes of the one you love, and say to them, "I love you.  You are very important to me.  I want to spend eternity knowing you and I'm afraid for your soul.  This is why."  Then, my friend, tell them what you have witnessed in their lives; and tell them that Jesus will forgive it all, if they repent and believe in Him.  Let unselfish love carry your words, and let God give the increase.

The Love Doctor: Love is not Rude

This topic has really led me to examine myself. What a wretched man I am.  Right after the apostle Paul says love is not proud in 1 Corinthians, he says love is not rude.  Rude, according to the Greek definition means to act intolerably, or indecently, or dishonorably. 

Rude has to have an object.  You cannot be rude to no one.  You must be rude to someone.  It is important to note here that brother Paul does not qualify this statement by naming persons love is not rude to----he is writing universally---he means love is not rude to anyone. 

Jesus said that the two greatest commandments are: 1. Love thy lord thy god with all thy heart, all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  2. Love thy neighbor as thyself. 

If we take the second greatest commandment, and apply Paul's statement that love is not rude to ourselves, do we find ourselves lacking in love?  I know I do. 


There is a close friend to our family.  She is a wonderful person; and when she feels like she has been mistreated, she has to 'get them told'.  Usually, getting someone told involves some level of rudeness.  If we are to follow the great commandments, is being rude ever justified?  Even in the face of being mistreated?  Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  When we have an issue, how we address it can be telling.  The word of God says we are to be living epistles, and represent Christ on earth.  My pastor said it best today.  Someone is always around to eat your fruit.  Is your fruit full of the goodness and sweetness of God, or is it sour and rotten?  Is your behavior in the face of adversity attractive to the non-Christian?  Would someone look at your behavior and see Jesus?


Brothers and Sisters, when I examine myself according to Paul's word, it is very ugly indeed.  I am impatient...and that impatience often manifests itself as rudeness to others who make me wait.  This can be at work, driving (especially driving), in line at the store (especially in line at the store), even at home.  In conversation I cut people off, sometimes I don't even listen to what they have said.    But I will look at them an nod like I'm listening.  Sometimes I even throw in a 'mmmhmmm' for good measure.  I am horrible about not returning personal phone calls too.  If you have been a victim---I apologize.   As I ponder my own rude behavior, I realize I have a long way to go.


  I am sure I am not the only Christian with these particular issues.  Perhaps then, if you read this, you will examine yourself in this area.  Maybe the Holy Spirit will convict you as He has me, and cause you to have a desire to pray about this area in your life.   


"In his book  "Handyman of the Lord, William Borders tells the story of a black man whose poverty left him begging for food. Ringing the front doorbell at a Southern Mansion, the man was told to go around to the back, where he would be given something to eat. The owner of the mansion met him on the back porch and said, „First we will bless the food. Repeat after me, „Our Father, who art in heaven…‟ ‟ (Lucado, A Love Worth Giving, p.59)
The hungry man replied, „Your father who art in heaven…‟
„No,‟ the owner of the house corrected. „Our Father who art in heaven…‟
Still the beggar said, „Your Father who art in heaven…‟
Frustrated, the giver of the food asked, „Why do you insist on saying „your Father‟ when I keep telling you to say „our Father‟?‟
The man answered, „If I say „our Father,‟ that would make you and me brothers, and I‟m afraid the Lord wouldn‟t like it, you askin‟ your brother to come to the back porch to get a piece of bread."


Love is not rude. 

The Love Doctor 8: Love is not Proud

Brothers and Sisters, our society is so unGodly.  As I begin this weeks post, and I consider the content, I cannot help but think about how 'puffed up' our society is.  We almost always refer to pride as a positive thing.  Well, the bible calls it sin.  And according to our text, Love and Pride cannot coexist. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

Paul talks about love as a verb all through these verses.  The Greek terms for his words all communicate doing something.  But Paul says that love is not proud.  When we love something we must humble ourselves completely.  I believe the reason so many marriages fail is because we get married because we like the way the other person make us feel.  When that 'feeling' is gone, then we say we are not in love anymore.  The truth is that it was never love to begin with.  It was lust, it was infatuation, it was money, it was disillusionment, whatever it was it was not love.  If it is love, agape love, then it is NEVER ABOUT YOU!!!!!  That is something I am still having to learn, and continuously pray about.

Pride, as I have mentioned in a previous post, is a very wide doorway that leads to a multitude of other sins.  It is a 'gateway sin.'  Pride is the sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven.  When we deal in pride we elevate ourselves to a status that only God should possess.  In essence, the prideful man, or woman, is an idol worshipper, and that idol is themselves. 

From a human, physical standpoint, love and pride are almost polar opposites.  Conventional wisdom would put love opposite hate.  However, consider the actions of love and the actions of pride for a moment and dwell on the next few sentences.  When we act out of love, agape love, we are acting in a purely selfless manner.  Our sole motivation is the other or others who benefit from our love.  We submit our own will to that of our loved ones---whomever they may be.  Contrary, and I say again, opposite, of love, is pride.  When we act out of pride, we are acting purely out of self interest.  Prideful acts only edify, or enrich the self.  Think of poor Moses.  He was so faithful for so long, yet his pride, getting the better of him caused him to miss out on the promised land.  You see brothers and sisters, you cannot love, nor obey, God and still harbor your foolish pride.

Read Numbers 20:8-20:11 

Friends, love is selfless.  My wife takes our son out of her way every day to an off site school so he can take 2 classes that he really wanted to take.  She has to wake up early every morning, drive 20 minutes out of her way, sit in traffic, and then rush off to work.  She could have just told him to find some other classes to take.  But she does it out of love for him.  She profits nothing from her labor.  She actually looses out on sleep and gas money.  However, she has never complained because she does it out of love. 

From a spiritual standpoint, pride is deadly.  Not the earthly death we think about, but spiritual death.  Consider this, the reason Jesus was able to crucify your sin on that cross was because he loved us enough to put his own human will aside and do the will of God all of the time. He knew there was no other way. 

When we dare to consider our own greatness.  When we are foolish enough to adopt an attitude that celebrates our strength, our intelligence, our beauty, our accomplishments, our worldly possessions; then we spit in the face of God who made all of those things possible.  Pride causes us to worship the created thing and elevate it above the creator.

What then shall we say about all of the 'Pride propaganda' out there.  We must say it is not of God.  The next time you are so proud of yourself, or your children, or your spouse---put that glory where it belongs---give it to God.

The Love Doctor 7: Love Does Not Boast

Get your rotten tomatoes ready, I am about to make some folks mad....again.  Before I do so, please reference our text below:

1 Corinthians 13

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

We have said many times that the kind of love our beloved apostle is referring to is agape love.  That is the uncodintional love God has for us.  Paul writes that love is not boastful.

When I think of boasting, I think of more than just a person having diarrehea of the mouth.  I think of a boastful attitude in general. I think of  countless Hip Hop songs where the entire content is about how great the artist is that made it.  Boasting, as I am using it here, extends beyond the occassional self serving one-liner (which is also bad) into the realm of people being constantly 'puffed up' with an inflated view of themselves.

As a parent, I look for opportunites to teach my kids not to think too much of themselves.  Why?  I want my kids to understand what Christ did for them.  Even if they do something great, I want them to know that it was God that allowed them to do it.  I am more concerned with their 'God-Esteem' than I am with their 'self-esteem.'  I detest the whole 'self-esteem' movement, where we don't tell people the truth because we don't want to damage their self image.  I am so glad Oprah is off the air with her 'self absorbed' foolishness.  Yes, I just said it. 

If we saw ourselves as God saw us, as wretched sinners, then we would not seek to elevate our self esteem.  When we think too much of ourselves we start to give ourselves credit for things that God does. 

We take ownership for talents that are given to us.  Then, we run to our computers and post up how wonderful we are on Facebook.  Brothers and sisters, trust me, there is nothing that we can do that is truly good.  That's why Jesus had to die a horrible death, because we are wretched sinners, and His death was a punishment for our sin.  To think of ourselves as anything else is an insult to the sacrifice He made for us. 

Are you mad at me yet?

Love does not boast because it is too busy focusing on the object of said love.  Love does not have time to brag because it's thoughts are not of itself.  It's thoughts are on how to serve.  For example, I love my wife dearly.  Therefore, she will always come first.  I make a conscious choice to do that.  Before I knew God's love, it was the other way around.  I had a boastful attitude which made me want to always think of myself first.  Thank God for changing my heart.

When we love others we do not boast because boasting leads to resentment, envy and jealousy.  Even good boasting can lead others to become jealous.  When we love, considering others is a way of life.  So we don't walk into a room and talk about what a wonderful marriage we have because we don't know if someone in that room is struggling to keep their marriage together.  We don't brag about how our children are doing so well because we don't know if someone in the room does not even know where their child is.  When you love you internalize the idea that your boastful comments could be a serious stumbling block to others. 

Love, the way Paul describes runs contrary to the popular culture that is so centered on 'self'.  Love, the way it is described in the bible gives no thought to self and will never seek to 'puff up' itself by boasting.  Think about your words this week and how they may affect those around you.  Love does not boast.

Love Doctor 6: Love is not Jealous

I cannot stop laughing while trying to get this post finished.  I keep thinking about the scene in the 'Five Heartbeats' when the brothers are trying to talk to a lady and they end up talking to this big guy's wife or girlfriend.  He comes up from behind and says, "I got to fight every night to prove my love!"  Then he proceeds to go after one of the brothers.

When we think of jealousy, that is the picture most of us think about.  But we have been examining love as it is so eloquently and perfectly (yes I said perfectly) described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13.  Here is the text starting with verse 4.


Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


8 Love never fails
 
Of course, in this text the word 'jealous' does not appear, but it does in several other translations.  The translators, I think, interchange the two words envy and jealousy.  In my humble opinion they are two different things, but in this instance they could be interchangeable. 
 
What Paul is saying is that love (agape love) is not jealous?  A perfect love, such as the one God has for us, is not jealous.  Brothers and sisters, this one goes deep.   This is deeper than saying a man should not question his wife's every move.  It is larger than a wife checking through her husbands cell phone for unfamiliar phone numbers.  It is much more than a fight over having friends of the opposite sex.  In this text the hearts of men are exposed and laid bare.  Love is not jealous. 

The word for jealous is the word associated with red face, meaning that one who is jealous has a face that is red with emotion.  Our modern definition says this: 
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.


2. feeling resentment because of the success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.


I think the way it is meant in the text is more closely aligned with definitions 3 and 4.  The definition for number 5 can be more closely attributed to God's own jealousy for his people.  Some may say God cannot love us if he is jealous.  However, the truth is that He can.  The term for jealous is applied differently when the Bible says God is a jealous God. 

Another descriptor of jealousy as it is used in this scripture is that it is a strong emotion attached to one who fervently wants things to transpire as one desires.  It is to this definition that I believe Paul is referring.

If love is both patient and kind, then love cannot attempt to force its will upon the object of said love.  Jealously, as an emotion, will cause us to attempt to control the actions of others so that things will transpire in such a way that is in accordance with our own flawed desires.  When we act jealously, we try to control the object that we say we love. 

This does not work in any form of love, be it agagpe, philos, or eros.  The attempt to control free will is not a manifestation of love.  It is simply a manifestation of sinful jealousy.  That is a hard lesson that I have had to learn.  I beseech all my brothers and sisters to take my word for it before you go down that dark street.  It is most certainly a dead end.  One that I cannot honestly say we can return from without God's intervention in the hearts of those we love.  Did I mention that this is deep.

Love is not jealous.  Therefore, a loving father, like God, will never seek to control His children.  He will teach, and admonish.  He will discipline after a wrong has been committed because he is just.  But, He will not intervene and control their choices, or their actions.  God's love is not jealous in that way, thus, he allows us to exercise what most call, 'free will.'

I hate to use this cliche, but if you love someone you must allow them to be free.  Even if you have every intention of treating them well, and taking care of them; you cannot be jealous and force them to conform to your own ideas.   Even if your ideas are totally aligned with the word of God.   If you really love someone, pray that they will daily die to themselves and become more like the image of Christ.  Minister to them and preach the word to them.  But let them work out their salvation for themselves.  You cannot force them down this path.  They have to walk it themselves.  Pray, pray, and then pray some more that they will make Godly decisions in their lives and allow the Holy Spirit to convict them and direct their paths.  Love is not jealous.

The Love Doctor Part 4: Kindness is not Weakness!



My inner nerd will be revealed in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!  Let's talk about one of my favorite hero tales--- Star Wars.  My 5 year old son would agree with me that it is an outstanding saga.  It is amazing to me how pervasive God's truth is, that we can even see it in such a grandly fictitious work as Star Wars.  What truth is that?  I'm glad you asked.



In Star Wars, Yoda, the wise elderly Jedi, denied training young Anakin Skywalker because he said the young man harbored too much fear.  Of course, he was trained anyway and became the evil Darth Vader.  What Yoda understood is that fear is the path to anger.  Anger is the path to the dark side. 

I know your thinking, what is this fool talking about.  Continue reading.  In our series on agape love, you will remember that we are discussing the idea that 'love is kind'.   I would suggest to the reader that kindness, contrary to popular belief, is not weakness.  If fear leads to anger--- and from my experience it does; then kindness, as it is manifested in agape love, cannot have fear as its root.  True kindness and anger are on opposite ends of the spectrum.  If fear is the root, then kindness cannot be the fruit.  Jesus said we will know a tree by its fruit.  A bad tree cannot produce good fruit.  Fear and anger cannot produce kindness.

What then can we say is the root of kindness, if not weakness, or fear.  Agape love is the root of true kindness.  Love allows us to be kind to those that hate us.  It allows us to be salt and light to those who spit in our faces.  When we have experienced God's unconditional love, and we really understand Jesus' sacrifice; then that love gives us the strength to be kind in the face of every circumstance.  Not from a place of weakness, or timidity, but out of a strong love built upon an immovable fortress that is God.  If you are still having trouble understanding the strength it takes to be kind, then look at this last illustration.

One day I went to work and I walked around all day with noticeable breakfast residue on my face.  I didn't realize it till I got home and really looked in the mirror.  In the course of a day I come in contact with literally hundreds of people who know my name.  No one told me.  What people did was allow me to walk around looking foolish so that they would not have to be uncomfortable when they told me I had egg on my face.  For some horrible reason we have come to believe that being kind means we don't tell people when something is askew, or amiss.

My question is this---what if my fly was open, or my shoe was untied?  What if I was about to step on a slick spot on a hard floor?  What if I was engaging in some sort of destructive behavior that was legal, but immoral?  Would anyone counsel me then?!  If we were kind to each other and not cowards then we would tell each other the truth in love.  Kindness requires a fortitude that we don't have naturally.  True kindness that comes from agape love is strong and unyielding.  It says and does kind things even if the recipient of the kindness does not receive it well.  Is it unkind to tell your brother or sister when they are doing something that will lead to their eternal damnation?  Is it kinder to allow them to proceed down a path to destruction, while you remain silent?!!!!  Kindness is not weak. 

When that coworker is wearing that dress that is too revealing--- do you tell her ladies? 
When that buddy's drinking is getting out of control---do you let him know gentlemen?
When that child is spending way too much time playing video games do you put a stop to it parents?
When that lost soul is falling deeper into the enemies grip, do you share your faith Christian?
If you are a Christian and you know the truth, how much do you have to hate someone to not tell them about Jesus? 

The kindness that springs forth from agape love allows us to share the truth of the gospel with the unsaved.  It provides us with the courage necessary to say what needs to be said, and do what needs to be done, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes us. 

The Love Doctor Part 3- Love is Kind

Brothers and Sisters, we examined Agape love as being patient in the last post. Let us not forget that patience is long suffering and not easily wounded. Being patient allows us to forgive over and over again without developing a resentment for those who wrong us. Patience allows us to keep our hearts soft and not put up the rocky walls to keep ourselves from being hurt. It is imperative that we allow the holy spirit to keep our hearts soft and forgiving. He will do it if we allow Him to work in us.

Look at the New Living Translation of Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.



Patience allows us to keep spreading our arms wide, although the subject of our love continually slaps us in the face. Patience in love, is not easy.

Kindness is an equally difficult, but integral part of Agape love. Oh, it is easy enough to be kind when people are kind to us; but Paul did not qualify his statements. Love is kind in the face of the most hateful, demeaning, painful, ugliness a human can endure. Love is kind because love is kind. That is the nature of love. Sugar is sweet, because that is the nature of sugar. That nature does not change when you boil it, freeze it, dissolve it, or put it on Corn Flakes. Love is kind when it has not gotten enough sleep. It is kind when it's needs have not been met. It is kind when it is hungry. It is even kind when it is pain.

Beloved, we live in a society of excuses. We are quick to excuse our unkindness on outside circumstances, or on emotional turmoil.

"I had a headache, and I just wasn't myself, so I said some mean things I didn't want to say."

"I had a lot of pent up anger, so I just let loose."

"My spouse and I had been fighting, I was feeling mad, so I just told him/her off."

"I missed breakfast, and I was not in the mood, so I gave him/her a piece of my mind."

"I didn't have anything nice to say, so I just ignored him/her."

Does any of that sound familiar. These are excuses we use everyday for being unkind. Beloved, this is hard. However, I have come to believe that our unkindness is not a problem, it is a symptom. We are unkind to one another because we do not understand love. Our lack of love is the illness. Being mean is just a manifestation.

We must begin to love one another enough to allow the Holy Spirit to subdue the hatefulness that lies in all of us, both in thought and word. Our flesh will tell us that we must lash out, and vent our emotions on others in order to 'feel' better. But the word of God tells us to 'be slow to anger,' and 'cast all our cares upon Him.' Look at what Jesus says to Peter:

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]

That is the standard. We should all be striving to meet the standard Jesus set for us. As Christians, we are to work to conform our lives to the mold Christ left for us. This week beloved, I challenge all of you to be mindful of your words and your actions. We are to be 'living epistles,' and God's representatives on earth. The world needs to see God's kindness in us, especially in the face of adversity.

Next week- Is Kindness weak?

Love is Patient

Folks, we live in a deceptive culture.  Oftentimes our beliefs and expectations have been so shaped by Hollywood and technology that we don't even realize how weak our collective resolve has become.  We no longer believe that patience is a 'virtue'.  Oh, we may say we believe that, but our actions are very different.  In the first of his most excellent statements on love, the apostle Paul writes that "Love is Patient".

Read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-10

4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.



Let's look at what Paul did not say.  He did not say love should be patient.  He did not say love is sometimes patient.  He did not say that love is mostly patient.  He wrote precisely what the Holy Spirit told him to write, and that was, Love is patient.  What is more telling, is that he listed patience first among the litany of other descriptors of love.  This indicates that patience within the context of love is important.

What, then, is patience?  Patience is the quality of being able to be hurt, embarrassed, or provoked to anger by another person without resentment, or revenge.  Read the previous sentence again.  Patience, brothers and sisters is developing a thick skin that will allow us to be hurt over and over again without ceasing to love the ones that hurt us.  It is a very Christ-like quality.  While Christ suffered on the cross for those that laughed at him, made fun of him, physically hurt him; we tend to want to rebuke someone for stepping on our Nike tennis shoe.  How wretched are we? 

A perfect example of loving patience is the Civil Rights Movement.  Those brothers and sisters loved so deeply that they would not retaliate against angry people who mowed them down with fire hoses, loosed vicious dogs on them, beat them with clubs, and even hung their beautiful babies from trees.  Just thinking about it makes me angry.  Yet, the Black people in the movement had enough loving patience to endure until victory was won! (Yes folks, there were many victories, it is us that are making a mockery of all they fought for--those beautiful people didn't get beat on so Lil Wayne and those other fools can walk around here like idiots.  And those are our heroes.  How wretched are we?)

How then does patience relate to love?  We are going to hurt one another.  There is no way around it, except to go through it.  Husbands, your wives will cause you pain.  Wives, your husbands will cause you pain.  Parents your children will cause you pain.  Children, your parents will cause you pain.  Brothers and sisters, your sibling will cause you pain.  Friends, your...you get the picture.  It is an inescapable aspect of life.  We hurt those that are closest to us, and those that are not so close to us.  Without patience, love transforms into a much lesser form of itself.  Without patience love becomes conditional, and we only love people when they make us feel good.  Thus, we would abandon our loved ones when they need us the most. 

When we are operating in impatience, we are not being loving.    Husbands, we are to be the ministers in our homes.  We must operate in patience, or we are indirectly communicating to our wives, and/or children that we either do not love them, or we are not mature enough to love them the way God commands us to love.

The Love Doctor- Part 1

Recent events in my life have caused me to want to search the scriptures as they relate to love. 

Before I dig into it, I'd like to take a moment to define love as I will write about it here.  The love I am referring to here stands in direct contrast to our 'hollywood' conception of love.  The love we will talk about here is the same kind of love God has for all of us.  Read the following scriptures:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' (Matthew 5:43)




But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:44)


If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? (Matthew 5:46)


In these 3 verses is the basic premise of Agape love.  Agape love is the same kind of love that God has for mankind.  It is what we call unconditional love.  Agape love is not contingent on the behavior of others.  It loves others regardless of emotions, feelings, or moods.  It loves even those that seek to do it harm, or hate it. 

It is my opinion, that Agape love frees us of any bondage we may have to this world.  It transcends the human condition and allows us to operate despite our human trappings.  All other forms of love, romantic, brotherly, etc, are lesser types of of the intended form.  For example, we have various types of gold jewelry we can wear if we choose.  However, 24 carat gold is gold in its purest form.  It is better because it is not tainted.  Agape love is not tainted by our human limitations.  It is love in its purest form. 

The Bible talks a lot about love.  That is probably because the Bible is all about God, and God is love (Agape love).  I would like to begin exploring the topic of love in the Bible by taking a close look at how love is described beautifully in 1 Corinthians by Paul.  We will look at the first part in this post and subsequent verses in later posts. This is 1 Corinthians 13:1-3.

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.


Please do not miss this.  What Paul is saying here is that love should be our basis for all that we do.  He is speaking to the very thing that drives us.  Even if we do great and wonderful things, if we do not do them out of love, then it is nothing.  Love has nothing to do with self.  You cannot Agape yourself (I'm not even sure that is legal in every state).  It has to be about God first, and then others.  So our love should be the central motivation of all our actions! 

Now that I understand this principle.  I can see that I have a long way to go.  I often do things so that people will be grateful to me for doing them.  I like to be well thought of.  Sometimes when I am not shown the gratitude I expect, I am a little hurt.  But when my motives are pure, I am never hurt, or disappointed, because I expect nothing in return.  The giving out of love is its own reward. 

What does this look like?  In my many roles, I come into contact with many people.  I once knew a man who worked in the building I worked in on the weekends.  He would pull up to the front in his van, unload a young lady in a wheel chair, and they would both come inside.  I assumed that the young lady was his daughter by the way he catered to her, and spoke so lovingly to her.  One day, I saw him without her and asked him where his daughter was.  He replied that he didn't have daughter.  The lady he was so kind to, so loving with was his wife.  She suffered some sort of brain damage due to a stroke and she was rendered unable to walk, and she could only speak 2 or 3 words at a time.  She was totally unable to take care of herself.  The man told me that he took care of her every need, and he would continue to do so as long as it was physically possible.  This man understood Agape love, and how it should motivate us to act without thinking about ourselves. 

It may be a great idea to look at the people in your life that you claim to love and ask yourself if your love is truly unconditional.  If not, pray that God shows you how to purify your love for others just as his love for you is pure.