Forgiveness and Pain

Brothers and Sisters, I apologize in advance for the length of this post.  Please read below:

²¹ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.^[g]

²³ “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold^[h] was brought to him. ²⁵ Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

²⁶ “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ ²⁷ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

²⁸ “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.^[i] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

²⁹ “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

³⁰ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹ When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

³² “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

This is from Matthew 18.  And it is here that I would like to begin dealing with today's topic.  People will test your godliness all of the time.  They will do and say things to you that will cause your heart to break and your blood to boil.  

I have someone in my life who has hardened their heart against me.  This person will be in a great mood talking with someone else, and in the same breath give me the coldest answer and coldest look for no reason.  This person will laugh with, joke with, dance, touch, eat with, hug, and enjoy life with until I arrive and then that person shuts down.  If I call this person on the phone I always get an annoyed 'hello' or 'what.'  I find things to do as acts of service for this person.  I pray for this person multiple times in a day.  I ask God to soften this persons heart.  I've even fasted so God will give me the strength to endure.  

But this has no impact.  In fact, this person has grown colder and shorter and meaner than ever.  It's gotten so bad that I use other people to relay messages because sometimes I don't think I can stand hearing the hateful tone in their voice.  I only call when I have to.  I find that it is much easier to send text messages because it makes me feel horrible to hear the disdain in this person's voice when I call.  I seems like when I'm at my lowest point, this person kicks me.  When I'm at my highest points, this person finds a way to bring me down. 

So I do everything I can to not retaliate, evil for evil.  I compliment this person daily.  I cater to this person as much as they will allow me.  I tell this person that I love them.  And all the while I am crippled by the blows I am dealt daily.  I am wounded, bleeding, crawling, begging for mercy.  I used to be a confident person, and now I am a shipwreck, kept afloat by the grace of God and nothing else.  I used to believe that with the support of this person that I could do great things.  Now, I can only suffer greatly.  I often think of myself as a leper in this person's presence.  They go out of their way to stay away from me.   

Brothers and sisters, I have known this person for a long time.  And we have both said and done things to the other.  I am in no way a martyr here.  I am not innocent and quite frankly, I cannot blame this person for how they treat me.  

Here is the real problem.  I want this person to go to heaven.  I want this person to be saved and filled with the Holy Spirit.  But the bible verses above tell me that this person has not forgiven me.  This person has become bitter and sour toward me because of the forgiveness in their heart.  This person believes I should be made to suffer and because I do not suffer anywhere else, this person has become my tormentor.  So I pray for this person, that they begin to understand the principle in the verses above from Matthew.  

If you have a relationship like this in your life, do not let your heart be hard.  Some days I am beaten and bloodied so much that I can hardly stand up.  No matter what I do, it's wrong.  Someone else can do the same thing, and be praised.  It's enough to make a grown man cry (but not this man, get back in there tear).  But I can attest that God's grace is renewed daily.  When I awake in the morning, the wounds have healed and God has placed a new song in my heart.  I am sad, but I can still find joy.  I can give that person grace, because that is what I have been given.  I can forgive that person because I have been forgiven.  

Because I am on this topic, I must address something equally difficult next week.  What to do when the pain is just too much.  Stay tuned.  

The Love Doctor- Part 1

Recent events in my life have caused me to want to search the scriptures as they relate to love. 

Before I dig into it, I'd like to take a moment to define love as I will write about it here.  The love I am referring to here stands in direct contrast to our 'hollywood' conception of love.  The love we will talk about here is the same kind of love God has for all of us.  Read the following scriptures:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' (Matthew 5:43)




But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, (Matthew 5:44)


If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? (Matthew 5:46)


In these 3 verses is the basic premise of Agape love.  Agape love is the same kind of love that God has for mankind.  It is what we call unconditional love.  Agape love is not contingent on the behavior of others.  It loves others regardless of emotions, feelings, or moods.  It loves even those that seek to do it harm, or hate it. 

It is my opinion, that Agape love frees us of any bondage we may have to this world.  It transcends the human condition and allows us to operate despite our human trappings.  All other forms of love, romantic, brotherly, etc, are lesser types of of the intended form.  For example, we have various types of gold jewelry we can wear if we choose.  However, 24 carat gold is gold in its purest form.  It is better because it is not tainted.  Agape love is not tainted by our human limitations.  It is love in its purest form. 

The Bible talks a lot about love.  That is probably because the Bible is all about God, and God is love (Agape love).  I would like to begin exploring the topic of love in the Bible by taking a close look at how love is described beautifully in 1 Corinthians by Paul.  We will look at the first part in this post and subsequent verses in later posts. This is 1 Corinthians 13:1-3.

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.


Please do not miss this.  What Paul is saying here is that love should be our basis for all that we do.  He is speaking to the very thing that drives us.  Even if we do great and wonderful things, if we do not do them out of love, then it is nothing.  Love has nothing to do with self.  You cannot Agape yourself (I'm not even sure that is legal in every state).  It has to be about God first, and then others.  So our love should be the central motivation of all our actions! 

Now that I understand this principle.  I can see that I have a long way to go.  I often do things so that people will be grateful to me for doing them.  I like to be well thought of.  Sometimes when I am not shown the gratitude I expect, I am a little hurt.  But when my motives are pure, I am never hurt, or disappointed, because I expect nothing in return.  The giving out of love is its own reward. 

What does this look like?  In my many roles, I come into contact with many people.  I once knew a man who worked in the building I worked in on the weekends.  He would pull up to the front in his van, unload a young lady in a wheel chair, and they would both come inside.  I assumed that the young lady was his daughter by the way he catered to her, and spoke so lovingly to her.  One day, I saw him without her and asked him where his daughter was.  He replied that he didn't have daughter.  The lady he was so kind to, so loving with was his wife.  She suffered some sort of brain damage due to a stroke and she was rendered unable to walk, and she could only speak 2 or 3 words at a time.  She was totally unable to take care of herself.  The man told me that he took care of her every need, and he would continue to do so as long as it was physically possible.  This man understood Agape love, and how it should motivate us to act without thinking about ourselves. 

It may be a great idea to look at the people in your life that you claim to love and ask yourself if your love is truly unconditional.  If not, pray that God shows you how to purify your love for others just as his love for you is pure.