Love Doctor 6: Love is not Jealous

I cannot stop laughing while trying to get this post finished.  I keep thinking about the scene in the 'Five Heartbeats' when the brothers are trying to talk to a lady and they end up talking to this big guy's wife or girlfriend.  He comes up from behind and says, "I got to fight every night to prove my love!"  Then he proceeds to go after one of the brothers.

When we think of jealousy, that is the picture most of us think about.  But we have been examining love as it is so eloquently and perfectly (yes I said perfectly) described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13.  Here is the text starting with verse 4.


Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


8 Love never fails
 
Of course, in this text the word 'jealous' does not appear, but it does in several other translations.  The translators, I think, interchange the two words envy and jealousy.  In my humble opinion they are two different things, but in this instance they could be interchangeable. 
 
What Paul is saying is that love (agape love) is not jealous?  A perfect love, such as the one God has for us, is not jealous.  Brothers and sisters, this one goes deep.   This is deeper than saying a man should not question his wife's every move.  It is larger than a wife checking through her husbands cell phone for unfamiliar phone numbers.  It is much more than a fight over having friends of the opposite sex.  In this text the hearts of men are exposed and laid bare.  Love is not jealous. 

The word for jealous is the word associated with red face, meaning that one who is jealous has a face that is red with emotion.  Our modern definition says this: 
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.


2. feeling resentment because of the success, advantage, etc. (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3. characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4. inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5. solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.


I think the way it is meant in the text is more closely aligned with definitions 3 and 4.  The definition for number 5 can be more closely attributed to God's own jealousy for his people.  Some may say God cannot love us if he is jealous.  However, the truth is that He can.  The term for jealous is applied differently when the Bible says God is a jealous God. 

Another descriptor of jealousy as it is used in this scripture is that it is a strong emotion attached to one who fervently wants things to transpire as one desires.  It is to this definition that I believe Paul is referring.

If love is both patient and kind, then love cannot attempt to force its will upon the object of said love.  Jealously, as an emotion, will cause us to attempt to control the actions of others so that things will transpire in such a way that is in accordance with our own flawed desires.  When we act jealously, we try to control the object that we say we love. 

This does not work in any form of love, be it agagpe, philos, or eros.  The attempt to control free will is not a manifestation of love.  It is simply a manifestation of sinful jealousy.  That is a hard lesson that I have had to learn.  I beseech all my brothers and sisters to take my word for it before you go down that dark street.  It is most certainly a dead end.  One that I cannot honestly say we can return from without God's intervention in the hearts of those we love.  Did I mention that this is deep.

Love is not jealous.  Therefore, a loving father, like God, will never seek to control His children.  He will teach, and admonish.  He will discipline after a wrong has been committed because he is just.  But, He will not intervene and control their choices, or their actions.  God's love is not jealous in that way, thus, he allows us to exercise what most call, 'free will.'

I hate to use this cliche, but if you love someone you must allow them to be free.  Even if you have every intention of treating them well, and taking care of them; you cannot be jealous and force them to conform to your own ideas.   Even if your ideas are totally aligned with the word of God.   If you really love someone, pray that they will daily die to themselves and become more like the image of Christ.  Minister to them and preach the word to them.  But let them work out their salvation for themselves.  You cannot force them down this path.  They have to walk it themselves.  Pray, pray, and then pray some more that they will make Godly decisions in their lives and allow the Holy Spirit to convict them and direct their paths.  Love is not jealous.